


Growing Up

by tangyyy



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: "not just a bitch" mood, Alcohol, Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Canon Compliant, Depression, Drugs, Eliott's past, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, French culture, Friendship, From the start to the end, High School, Love Confessions, Lucille and Eliott's love story, M/M, Mania, Oh My I don't know how to tag, Pre-Canon, Prequel, Sex scene but not too explicit, Tattoo, Teens love, about the rape/non-con tag... It's about chapter 10 and well... I don't know what to say, teens life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-02-28 22:32:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 35,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18765616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangyyy/pseuds/tangyyy
Summary: Lucille and Eliott met when they were both very young, here is a piece of their love story.They truly loved each other, maybe in a wrong way, but love isn't always an easy thing to live and to do.From 2014 to 2019. From Lucille to Lucas, with a lot of Eliott in the middle.





	1. First sight

**Author's Note:**

> Here is my little story of mine...  
> I really was (Why do I use past tense ? I don't even know.) craving for details about Eliott's past so... This is how I imagined his life few years before Skam France Season 3.  
> Warning : This is Lucille's point of view ! Yeeep, I know, many people are not in love with her but hey, give the girl a chance ! ;) Lucas will come as soon as Eliott will truly needs him, after all, this Fanfic is canon compliant so.. ELU powa' !

****

 

**First sight**  
August 22 2014, 15:52

 

Lucille walked slowly beside her mother. Earlier, both had gone to  _Alberto Giacometti Middle School_ to formally enrol the teenager. Following the divorce of her parents, Lucille and her little brother had to move into their mother's new apartment, near  _Flora Tristan square_ in the 14 th arrondissement of Paris. New place, new neighbors, new school... Lucille didn't like all these changes at all. Arriving in a new school without knowing anyone? What a nightmare!  
On the grid of the school, the distributions of the different classes were already displayed. Her mother had taken note on one of her many colorful little notebooks. “3rd B, Principal Professor: Mr. Morel”. Lucille didn't care about this information... It was sure now, she wouldn't like this new school. She already missed her friends.

  
Head down, her teeth with braces nervously biting her lips, the teenager walked in silence. In front of them, walked a small group of teenagers. The four boys were laughing loudly and one of them seemed to be telling a very funny story, punctuating it with great expressive gestures. They seemed to know each other very well... It wasn't surprising! No doubt they had been friends for years. She would never be able to find a place among them or among others. She would spend the year alone, eat alone at the self, come home alone... The voice of her mother and the arm she laid on her shoulders took her out of her dark thoughts.

  
"It's gonna be alright, darling.” She tried to reassure her daughter as if she had voiced her doubts aloud. "You'll see, it's scary at first but I'm sure you'll make lots of new friends."  
Lucille raised her eyebrows. Not so sure about that...  
  
Having in front of their building, Lucille's mother took the pass from her purse but stopped her gesture before sliding it on the opening post. Her gaze had stopped on the group of teenagers who were now sitting on one of the benches of the small square a few meters away.  
"These boys are probably at Giacometti too, you should go introduce yourself, it would be nice to know people even before school!"  
A cold sweat ran down Lucille's spine and she looked up sharply at her mother.  
"No! No, no, it's ok, I'm fine!  
-Oh come on!"  
  
Lucille looked at her mother walking towards the boys. She followed her reluctantly. _What a shame..._ The girl thought.  
  
"Hello young people.” Her mother said as she stood in front of the small group. "We have just moved into the neighborhood and my daughter is going to _Alberto Giacometti_. She doesn't know anyone and as she's a little shy...  
-Mom..."  


Ashamed, Lucille didn't know where to put herself, at that moment, if she could have disappeared from the surface of the Earth, she wouldn't hesitate a single second. Blushing with shame and paralyzed by embarrassment, she still picked up her gaze from her feet to see the surprised look of the boys in front of them.  _Of course they think I'm ridiculous_ , she thought. Still, one of them moved toward her mother and her.  
"Well... Welcome then. I'm Ali."  
Lucille looked at him discreetly. He was the smallest and he looked smart.  
"He's Antoine."  
_Full of pimples but looks very nice._   
"He's Paolo."  
_Strong guy._   
"And This is Eliott."  
_When he smiles we can't see his eyes anymore... It's cute._

  
A nudge and a look from her mother drove Lucille back to Earth.  
"Ah yes... Uh, I... I'm... Lucille.” She stammered, feeling shame invading all her soul. "Well, mom, can we go?  
-Ok, ok. See you!"  
  
Once inside the building, the girl left her frustration exploding.  
"Fuck Mom!  
-Oh oh, watch your mou...  
-Not only I know nobody but in addition, they now think I'm a big jerk!  
-Lulu...  
-No it's enough! Do not even talk to me!"  
  
With these words, Lucille climbed the stairs at full speed, went back to the apartment that she hated so much and ran to lock herself in her room. Definitely, the upcoming year was looking bad...

 


	2. Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi !! :)  
> Here is chapter 2 of this little story !  
> Some more of Eliott in this one... ;)

****

 

 

**Secret**

November 6 2014, 4:15 pm

 

  
  
It has been three months since Lucille has arrived to _Giacometti_ school. To her dismay, the girl had to admit one thing: her mother had been right. The first days were rough but the rest went rather smoothly. She met some girls friends in her class and had sympathised with some teens in the neighborhood. Including Ali, Eliott and another girl named Charlotte Dorange, the daughter of the owners of the bakery around the corner. The little group had taken up the habit of meeting almost every day on the small square to talk about everything and nothing. All this was new to Lucille. Until then, the girl had lived in a posh district with cold walls and anonymous neighborhood. Here, everything was different. The “ _Plaisance_ ” area had known how to remain popular and kept its old charms. In the streets, people spoke all languages, on the terraces of the bistros, the housewives rubbed shoulders with students and the small local shops were very appreciated.  
  
Against all odds, Lucille liked this neighborhood. And then there was Ali, Eliott and Charlotte.  
Ali was one of those boys everyone listened to. In his small body hid an extraordinary charisma for his age. He had the soul of a leader, he knew how to handle words and was full of arguments to achieve his goals. His last victory? For his birthday, his parents gave in and offered him a brand new scooter. “ _You see Lucille, you must never let go!_ ” He had shouted, proud of himself, the day after his birthday.

  
Charlotte was a blond haired girl with a strong rebellious spirit. Always willing to be in the worst moves, she had a great sense of humour. Sociable, she seemed in touch with every one of the neighbours and it was because of her that Lucille could fit into the small group. As noisy as Lucille was wise, she dragged her step by step, day by day, to open up to the world, to leave her “perfect girl” role.

  
And then there was Eliott. Eliott was Eliott. Often absent-minded, dreamy eyes with a dazzling smile. Lucille was already in love with him but couldn't admit it. She could listen to him talk for hours. Curious and passionate boy, for him, every new discovery was a pretext for new dreams and new goals. Sometimes introvert, sometimes exuberant, Eliott has it both ways. He was inventive, sincere and unassuming. Lucille and he shared the same eclectic musical tastes, they loved the same books and dreamed of the same trips across the world.  
Would she like to become his girlfriend? Of course. Did she dare to imagine the possibility of telling him about it? No, of course. How could a girl like her please a boy like him?  
  
One November afternoon, Lucille and Ali walked in the _Rue de Gergovie_ at the same pace. The two teenagers sharing the same class, they walked toward school/home daily together.  
"So... What about you and Eliott?"  
Lucille was surprised. What was he talking about?  
"What about me and Eliott?  
-He told me what he told you yesterday."  
Lucille dug into her memory. Eliott hadn't said anything particular the day before, they'd barely saw each other... The two teenagers turned to the _Raymond Losserand_ street in front of the Japanese restaurant which made the angle and always smelt very strongly raw fish.  
"He told me nothing yesterday.  
-Ah. Uh... Ok, my mistake, never mind, I'm so dumb.  
-Tell me! What did he tell you?” She insisted.

  
For a long time, Ali refused to tell her anything. Then, in front of the little locksmith in _Rue de Plaisance_ , Lucille forced him to stop and glared in his eyes.  
"Ali, tell me! I swear, I won't give up, it's you who showed me how to be so persistent.” She told him in a very serious tone. “Tell me.  
-Ok, ok but... Eliott was supposed to tell you himself.  
-I'm all ears...  
-He likes you."  
  
Lucille felt her cheeks flush. She looked away from Ali, ran her tongue over her braces and started walking again, a small smile on her lips. The young boy caught her quickly.  
"You seem pretty happy about it!” He observed with laughing eyes.  
"Don't know..." She replied, feigning indifference.  
"What don't you know?  
-Well... It's not your business!" She told, blushing hard.  
Ali shrugged, unwilling to understand his friend's complicated mind.

 

On the small square, Lucille, as usual, settled on their bench. Ali walked toward his building.  
"Won’t you stay?” The girl asked.  
"No, my mother isn't at home, I'm going to play GTA, usually I'm not allowed to play on week evenings. Do you want to come?"  
Lucille pouted. Video games weren't her cup of tea at all.  
"No I'm ok, thanks. See you tomorrow!"  
She pulled a thick book from her backpack, sat cross-legged on the bench, and started to read. The air outside was getting cool as it was already November and the sky began to darken dangerously but Lucille liked to stay outside. Wrapped in her coat, she enjoyed the end of the afternoon.  
  
The minutes went by, perhaps even an hour, Lucille was lost in her reading and other thoughts triggered by Ali's secret. Suddenly, someone sat right next to her. It was Eliott. He smiled shyly. Lucille smiled as well, she put her book on her lap but didn't know what to say.  
"What's up?” He asked.  
"Not much, what's up with you?  
-Uh... Not much either..."  
An awkward silence settled over the two young teens. At the end of what seemed like an eternity for Lucille, Eliott's phone rang, telling him that he had just received a new text message. The boy took it out of his pocket and opened the message.  
“ _Mec, I think I fucked up. I told Lucille what you told me. Well you stupid! Why did you tell me that you spoke to her when you didn't???_ ”  
  
Discreetly, Lucille had leaned slightly over to peer onto Eliott's phone, curious to read the message. When she read it, the girl felt her throat tighten. Definitely, this embarrassing moment wasn't done... When she looked up, she met Eliott gaze.  
"Oh sorry, I... I was looking... Sorry."  
The boy didn't answer, just smiling and putting away his cell phone.  
"So? What do you think about what Ali told you?” He asked, enigmatic, looking into Lucille's eyes.  
"Uh... Well... It's cool.” She tried to articulate with her trembling voice.  
  
Eliott then leaned toward her and put his lips on hers. The gestures were clumsy and hesitant. Perhaps the kiss lasted too long, perhaps they should have move in a different way? Maybe the teeth clashed too much? Anyway, it was Lucille and Eliott's first kiss and for now, that was all that mattered.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
> I know it's not an easy fanfic to like at first sight. The plot and characters aren't really usual in the Skam France fandom... But many thanks anyway to the 3 people who left a kudo on the first chapter ! Ahah !  
> As usual, kudos and comments are very loved (and needed :P)   
> Have a great great day and week !  
> See you... Well... Wednesday ? Ok, Wednesday for chapter 3 !


	3. Like adults

 

**Like adults**  
Sunday 21 June 2015, 11:30 pm

 

 

  
  
The streets of Paris were crowded on this music day of 2015. Exceptionally, Lucille had obtained approval from her mother to go out and party with her friends.  
"Please, Mom...  
-I still think you're too young to go out.  
-But... It's Music day...  
-And you have exams on Thursday!  
-It's been weeks that I’ve been studying.  
-I don't know...  
-And you'll go out too. Everyone will be outside and you want me to stay locked in there?  
-Okay. But promise me not to come home too late. And watch out for alcohol.  
-I won't drink a drop!  
-Don't lie to me. I'm just asking you to be reasonable.  
-Thanks Mom!!"  
  
Dancers were swaying to the sounds of different groups succeeding one by one on the main stage on _Place Denfert-Rochereau_. Lucille, her hand in Eliott's, was trying to make her way through the crowd. Suddenly, she felt her phone vibrate against her thigh. She took out her cellphone from the pocket of her shorts and read the text.  
"Guys! Crazy concert at the _Triome_! Come! We don't move anymore!"  
Lucille stopped and pulled Eliott towards her. Rather not to scream in his ears, she showed him the text Ali had just sent to her. The young man read it and looked at her.  
"Ok, let's go!” He shouted.  
Both of them, always hand in hand to prevent the crowd separating them, started on their way.  
  
About ten minutes later, the teenage couple was in front of the club called “Triome”. Inside, a rock band made the crowd dance under the flashes of light. Indeed, Ali didn't lie to them, the atmosphere was very nice.  
An hour went by. On her way to the bathroom, Lucille checked her cell phone. It was already late. Back in the club, she searched for Eliott.  
"I have to go!” She shouted.  
Eliott, who had heard nothing of what his girlfriend had just said to him, leaned toward her and brought his ear to her mouth.  
"I promised my mother not to come back late, I have to go!  
-I'm coming with you, I have to come back home too!"  
The two teenagers made their way to their friends, saluted them then came back on the street.  
  
On the way back, alcohol and tiredness mingling with her lack of experience, Lucille felt her head spinning. Being out in the street on summer evening, seeing all these people having fun, watching her lover walking by his side... The girl felt a feeling of freedom hit her hard. All this was new to the teenage girl she was then. She smiled, eager to keep that feeling for the rest of her life in a small corner of her heart.  
  
Fifteen minutes of quiet walk later, Lucille stood on the steps of her building.  
"Good night.” She smiled at Eliott.  
The latter slowly approached her, put his hands on her cheeks and kissed her. He had been doing this all the time since a few days, holding his face in his hands as if it was the most precious thing in the world... Lucille loved it. After a few seconds, when she felt her heart speed up as each time Eliott put his lips on her, Lucille stepped back and looked up at the windows of her mother's apartment. All the lights were off.  
  
"Don't you want to go inside for... A moment? My mother isn't back yet."  
_Whatever we could say, alcohol could be very useful_ , Lucille thought. Sweet, oh sweet inhibition...  
"Ok." Eliott answered without thinking twice.  
The girl grabbed his hand and the couple came in the building.  
  
Once inside the empty apartment, away from any look, any outside judgment, a new feeling seizes the two young teenagers. A feeling of invulnerability, of power. Suddenly, they were over 15 but 10 years more. This apartment was theirs, they knew all about love, its subtleties.  
Elliot looked down, put his eyes into Lucille's, smiled tenderly and kissed her lips. Soon, the kiss became moister, hotter and breathy. Their teeth clashed and unsurprisingly their tongues met each others.  
  
Of course they had already kissed before, caressed each other, had explored the bodies of each other. But that night, everything was different. No more doubts, no more questions. They welcomed all these impulses that made them deaf to any other stimulus and were willing to answer them. It was no longer a matter of childish discoveries but indeed of sexual desire of adults.

 

The kiss ended when Lucille let out a sigh of pleasure. At this sound, Eliott curled a little more and put his lips in the neck of the young girl. The latter took a deep breath and closed her eyes to focus on the small noises that reached her ears. Different distant musics, laughter from passersbys, the sound of traffic, Eliott's kisses and his deep and jerky breathing. She bit her lip, blushed, and slipped a hand under the boy's shirt.

  
Eliott, with lips still sealed to the young woman's neck, lowered his arm and put his hand on her butt. Stopping to not rush her, he felt her shivering but didn't detect any resistance, no fear.  
  


"Come on..." she sighed before leading him to her bedroom.  
Lying against each other on the bed, they took off their shirts. Eliott grabbed Lucille by the waist. Her skin was soft and warm and her hair smelled a subtle blend of soap and citrus. His hand ran to her hips, her belly and stopped at the edge of her shorts. Lucille felt a new feeling of wetness invading her body. She put her hands on his hot skin. His belly was warm and firm, contracted by laborious breathing.

  
The minutes went by, the exploration continued. He kissed her forehead, her temple, her cheekbone then her lips. She stroked his belly, his back and his hips. No words, even less laughter. This moment was as serious as it was delicious.

  
Now naked, Eliott and Lucille couldn't take their eyes off each other without realising that they had, for once, left all the lights on. Eliott straightened up, grabbed his jeans and took a condom from one of the pockets. Lucille smiled and took his hands. With her shaking fingers, she tore the package and slipped the piece of latex around the already hard boy's sex. A few seconds later, Eliott get in her with infinite sweetness. He felt all Lucille's muscles tensing, he looked up and saw her face closed. Breathing deeply, he stopped.  
"Move, move ..." The girl encouraged her with a tiny voice, once her body ready to welcome Eliott's.  
  
Naturally, the passions grew, burst, then dozed off, bodies calmed down. The two teenagers, sated, cuddled for a moment.  
  
"You have to go, your parents will worry and my mother will be home soon..." Lucille sighed regretfully, still snuggled against Eliott.  
"What if I decided to stay there for the rest of my life?"  
The girl burst out laughing happily.  
"For all life? Ah, parents would kill us...  
-Yeah.."  
Eliott got up and dressed himself. Before leaving he turned to Lucille and put a chaste kiss on her lips.  
"For life?” He whispered.  
"For life.” She replied, drunk with happiness.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter !  
> Many thanks to the lovely person who left one more kudo on chapter 2 ! Ahah !  
> As usual, kudos and comments are very loved (and needed :P)  
> Have a great great day !  
> See you on friday for chapter 4!


	4. Goodbye

 

**Goodbye**  
_Saturday, December 12, 2015, 14:08_

 

 

  
  
Lying on the sofa in the living room, Lucille was immersing herself into her book, _Froth on the Daydream_ by Boris Vian. On the small table next to her was her cell phone and a hot cup of tea. _Everything_ was for the _best_ in the _best of all_ possible _worlds_. After being graduated with great marks, Lucille had joined high school, the same as Eliott and two other friends.  
The life of high school's young girl pleased her beyond all hope. The growing independence, interesting teachers, new knowledges... And beyond all this, important things that didn't change. Always the same neighborhood where she felt so good, friends, Ali, Charlotte, long talks with her mother, her habits, her little pleasures and Eliott. More than a year since the two teenagers had chosen to be together. An eternity at this young age. Everything was going well between them. Eliott was the human being with whom Lucille preferred to spend all her free time. Indeed, they had fights. Which couple doesn't know any of them? Eliott's changing mood combined with Lucille's susceptibility sometimes resulted in full hours of cries and misunderstandings, but that never lasted. They always brought themselves together.  
  
That day, her mother was at work and her little brother was at their father's house. Silence fell in the living room, Lucille's playlist had just ended. Not really knowing what to listen anymore, the girl looked, absentmindedly her mother's CD shelf. She grabbed Ben Harper's album _Diamonds on the inside_ and slid it into the CD player. Eliott used to make fun about her musical tastes. "This is soo boho!”, “Ok guys! Be careful, Lucille is choosing the music, we're screwed!"... Some teases which amused Lucille as Eliott's own musical tastes were... originals.  
  
She sighed happily as she fell back onto the couch at the sound of Ben Harper's sweet voice. She loved so much this kind of afternoons. No schedule, no obligation. Just a good book and some music she liked. Knowing that she would spend the evening with Charlotte and some friends to let off steam on the dance floor, this weekend was absolutely perfect.  
  
She had no sooner opened her book than her phone rang. Nevertheless, good things never last las they say... Catching her cell phone, she saw Charlotte's picture appear on the screen.  
"Hi Dollface!” She greeted her, picking up.  
At first, Lucille didn't hear anything at the other end of the phone. Then, after a few seconds, the sound of growing sobs reached her ear.  
"Hey.” Lucille said, straightening slightly.  
"Lucille... Ali..." Charlotte's shrill voice was full of tears, she was crying.  
"Ali what?  
-He's dead.”  
Lucille felt the whole universe dissolve all around her. Nothing else existed except the voice of her friend saying the same words again and again. "He's dead. He's dead. He's dead."  
Her tight throat blocking the air, Lucille had a hard time breathing. It was impossible. Not him, not now.  
"How?” She asked.  
"...On his scooter... He slipped... And... There was a car..." Charlotte answered with many heavy sobs. 

The two friends remained a long time without saying anything, Charlotte crying, Lucille struggling to fully understand the terrible situation.  
Then she hung up and at that moment the girl felt alone, so alone. She wanted her mother to be there. She would have taken her in her arms and would have comfort her. Just like when she was a little girl and had nightmares. As the first tear rolled down her cheek, the reality hit her hard: Lucille was no more six years old but almost ten more and she was alone in this big Paris apartment. The contrast between Ben Harper's sweet voice and the chaos of her thoughts was unbearable.  
Eliott. His name cames out in the middle of her scrambled mind. He too must have known. If Lucille couldn't have the comforting arms of her mother, she would have those understanding of Eliott. They would share the same sorrow, dilute their same pain in their cuddles.  
  
Without taking the time to think too much, s _he slipped her feet_ into her sneakers and rushed outside. In the street, Lucille did her best to hold _back her tears_. At the foot of the neighboring building, she entered the entry code, climbed up the stairs and knocked on Demaury family's door.  
  
It was Eliott's mother who came to open it. When her eyes fell on Lucille, she raised her eyebrows, visibly surprised to see her here.  
"Lucille? Eliott isn't with you?  
-What? No... I... I came to see him..."  
Noticing the girl's red and wet eyes, Eliott's mother looked worried.  
"What's going on Lucille?  
-It's... Ali, he had an accident, he... He's...”  
Mrs. Demaury didn't need Lucille to finish her sentence to understand its terrible end. Her whole body shook and she turned back to the living room.  
"Chris.” She called her husband. "Eli isn't at Lucille's and..." The girl didn't hear the rest.  
Remaining there, in the entrance, totally helpless, no longer understanding what was being played around her, Lucille took a few steps inside the apartment. With trembling legs, she collapsed on a wooden chair. There, she took her head in her hands and burst into tears. It was too much. Too much for a very young girl like her. She cried like a child facing the greatest of sorrows. Her body shook with jerks, tears spurted out of her big hazel eyes to crash on her hands and on the floor.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity, Lucille heard Eliott's mother walked over. The latter was putting on her coat when she saw the teenager in tears.  
"Oh... I'm sorry, love..."  
She crouched down in front of her and took her in his arms. She held her tight as she would have done for her own daughter.  
  
"I know, it's very hard... There is nothing to say for now... You have the right to cry, to scream, to insult.” She whispered, stroking her hair.  
Finally relieved to find a kind shoulder to express her pain, Lucille let herself go, resting her head on the shoulder of Eliott's mother.  
The two women remained motionless for a moment, one snuggled into the arms of the other.  
  
"Look, I'm sorry but we have to go get Eliott.  
-Where is he?” Lucille asked, backing up slightly before sniffling loudly.  
"I don't know. He had someone on the phone and he went out saying he had to see you.” Eliott's mother said, handing her a tissue.  
"He must not be far...  
-We don't know either. A few years ago, he had a very very very hard time because of the loss of his grandfather and now... I don't like to know he's alone outside.  
-I understand...  
-You can stay here if you want."  
Anxious at the thought of being all alone again and feeling the great worry in Eliott's mother's voice, Lucille shuddered.  
"Can I come with you to help you find him?  
-Okay but you call your mother first and you tell her everything."  
  
The trio spent a good part of the afternoon browsing Eliott's favourite places. It was only around 5pm that they found him, sitting on the pavement near their old school.  
Back at the apartment, Eliott's parents and her own mother agreed that Lucille spend the evening and the night with her boyfriend.  
  
  
She snuggled against him all night long. He, staring into the void, as absent from his own body, never put his arms around her. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you !  
> AAAAaaaaand troubles start NOW !  
> Hope you enjoyed this very angsty chapter.  
> As usual... Comments and kudos blah blah blah, you know !
> 
> See you ooon... Monday ! Monday for chapter 5 !


	5. An important role

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know, I said I would post this chapter on Monday but... I can't wait !! :D  
> Hope you'll enjoy even if it's sooooo angsty !

  
**An important role**  
_Tuesday 02 February 2016, 6:26 pm_

 

 

His parents, his friends, Lucille. They had all insisted but Eliott was stubborn. He didn't go to Ali's funeral.  
Almost no more coming out of his room, he lay there for days, under his blanket, waiting for time to pass. Lucille visited him every day, bringing back the lessons he missed or simply spending a few minutes by his side. The young man didn't seem to be recovering from the loss of their friend. If Lucille was also devastated, a force in her was pushing her every day to go out, to continue to live, not as if nothing had happened but doing with it. Eliott seemed to lack this strength. It was as if he had stopped living at the same time as Ali. His gaze was empty, his body weaker than ever.

After putting a sweet kiss on Eliott's cheek, which he hardly seemed to notice, Lucille came out of his room and saw Mrs Demaury sitting at the kitchen table, deep sadness hanging over her face. Lucille approached.  
"Are you okay?” She asked, embarrassed to surprise her mother-in-law, who was usually so strong, in a moment of weakness.  
"I'm worried about Eliott. He doesn't eat anymore.  
-It's true, he has lost a lot of weight...  
-Take a seat."

Nathalie Demaury was a strong woman with an almost dynastic elegance. Engaged in her work as a museum curator, she was the Demaury family's pillar, present on all fronts against all odds. Overflowing with love for her husband and their two sons, she was no less strict and knew how to rule the family with an iron hand. Seeing her, here, looking sad, sitting alone at the table of her little kitchen, sent chills up Lucille's spine. If Eliott's mother was so worried, there was a reason.  
Lucille pulled a chair from under the table and sat down. Shy, she stared at the glass of water that Nathalie just gave to her.

"He's not coming out of his room, he's not talking anymore. He doesn't even listen to music anymore."  
Lucille didn't know what else to say. Yes, Eliott was feeling bad, she had noticed but what could she add? What could she say to the woman who knew him best in the world, namely a mother? She took a sip of water and put the glass on the table.  
"Tomorrow I have an appointment with our doctor, I would like him to see Eliott.  
-Okay...  
-You know Lucille, I tell you all this because I think that Eliott cares about you a lot and that you play an important role in his life."

Touched and at the same time surprised by these words, Lucille looked up and stared into her eyes.  
"I care about him too and... I'm scared for him.” Lucille said in a shaking voice.  
"Eliott is a very sensitive boy. He has always been. At the death of his grandfather, he was still very young and yet he spent nearly two weeks without saying a word.  
\- It's been more than two weeks.  
-Yes, that's why I'm worried. "  
A heavy silence fell into the kitchen.  
"But that doesn't mean that the situation is inextricable.” Eliott's mother added, her voice a little more assured than before. "Eliott is sensitive but he's also very strong, he will get by but we have to help him.  
-What can I do?  
-Don't change anything. Be patient, keep coming to see him, you will always be welcome home."  
These few words had the effect of a great breath of fresh air in the teenager's heart. Lucille began to believe it again; very soon, Eliott would feel better.  
"What about you? How are you?"  
Lucille's feeling of hope faded slightly. To think about Eliott's recovery was one thing, to think about her own state of mind was another.  
"It's... It isn't easy. We miss Ali a lot and... Seeing Eliott like this...  
-It's okay to feel bad because of the loss of your friend. And for Eliott... Don't take on too much, think about you, try to have good times on your own."  
Lucille smiled sadly.  
"Yeah... I'll try."

Silence fell again. After a minute, it was Lucille's turn to speak again.  
"Well, I have to go. My mother is waiting for me.  
-Yes, you're right, it's already late! You'll say hello to her for me."

Outside, Lucille buried her small hands in the pockets of her coat. She felt thorned between her own sadness and the anxiety to see her lover sinking day by day in the deepest melancholy. However, the words of Eliott's mother came back to her mind. "He's very strong, he'll be fine. Do not change anything.” Yes, soon, very soon, she would find her Eliott again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter gained lot of new readers so... Welcome to you all !  
> And well... As usual, kudos and reviews are very appreciated... :)  
> See you very soon !


	6. Waking up

 

_**Waking up**  
Tuesday, February 16, 2016, 12:35 pm_

 

____Two weeks ago, Eliott's parents and himself had gone to their family doctor. Since then, no news. Lucille had tried to call Eliott but he had never answered or even called back. For days she shut her desire to go to his home. Dying to know more, worried about the possible diagnosis the doctor could have made, she didn't want to invade her boyfriend's personal space either. He would have promptly send her packing, saying to her to mind of her own business and he would have been right in a way.  
  
Eliott didn't show up in high school like every last weeks. Ok, the girl didn't kid herself, she knew that everything wasn't going to be solved in a few days, that Eliott's sadness wouldn't dissapear in a few hours but still... Lucille had hoped that with the doctor, the support of his mother, some rest, maybe... No, obviously, she got her hopes too high again.  
One evening, on her way back home, she had sat down for a long time on the bench of the little square, remaining motionless despite the small parisian's rain. The light in Eliott's room was off. Was he at home? Was he absent? Lucille didn't know anything about it. Despite everything, she sat there on her little wooden bench, waiting for some sign that never came.  
  
Next day, Lucille was leaving a particularly boring mathematics class. Walking along one of the high school corridors, she was chatting with two of her friends when she felt her phone ringing against her thigh. Folding her hand in her pocket, she pulled it out with difficulty and saw Eliott's name appear on the screen. She looked wide-eyed at her friends.  
"It's him!  
-What are you waiting for? Answer!"  
  
Lucille, with a hurried step, went away from the crowd and picked her phone up.  
"Yeah?  
-Hi.” Eliott's voice was hoarser than usual, as if he had just woken up from a long, very long sleep.  
"Hi.” The girl answered, so glad to finally have a real exchange with her boyfriend for weeks. "Are you okay?” She asked.  
"It's okay. You?” He answered simply.  
"Fine fine, thanks. I'm out of math, my head is going to explode!” Lucille had the impression that Eliott smiled at the other end of the phone, but perhaps she was mistaken. "You... you're at home?” Lucille asked, forcing herself to keep a light, almost playful tone.  
"Yeah. Well, uh... Lucille, I'm sorry I didn't answer or call you back.  
-Doesn't matter. Really, I don't mind." She sweared, sincerely happy to hear even a little bit of his voice. "If... If you call me now it means that you're feeling better.  
-Yes, a little better. Would you like to go to the cinema with me tomorrow?  
-Yeah sure!  
-Good. See you at... 2 tomorrow?  
-That works for me.  
-Then... See you tomorrow.  
-Take care."  
  
The girl hung up and hugged, without really realizing it, her phone against her heart, a big smile hanging on her pink lips. 

 

 

 


	7. Happy Birthday

 

_ **Happy Birthday**   
_Monday, February 29, 2016, 10:20 am_ _

 

_ _

___Lucille's daily life was going on. High school, her friends, the house, her brother, her mother, her father sometimes, snow on January, wind on February. As for Eliott, he was feeling a lot better. He hadn't told her about it, but his mother had told her one night that the doctor had prescribed anti-depressants and sessions with a therapist. Back in high school, he laughed, went out with his friends, came back to life step by step.  
  
One morning, Lucille had made the way from home to school alone, neither Eliott nor Charlotte starting at the same time as her. Her first class was History class. Lucille loved History. Leaving the classroom, she was in great chat with one of her friends when Eliott stood in front of her, greeted her with a quick kiss on her mouth and a bright smile.  
"Hi !  
-I'll wait outside, I'm going to smoke a cigarette.” Lucille's friend slipped away and left the couple alone.  
"Hi.” The girl smiled. "How are you?  
-Not bad. But the best is yet to come!  
-Ah yeah? "  
Eliott __raised his eyebrows mysteriously_ ____and leaned onto her ear.  
"Come on, I'll take you away.  
-What?  
-No more school for us today!"  
  
Lucille was confused. Eliott was proposing to skip a whole day of school? For a student as serious and assiduous as she, such a plan came out way off her comfort zone.  
"I dunno...  
-Come on! Just today!"  
The girl looked down. What would her parents think if they learnt that their usually studious daughter was having fun skipping school? And what would Eliott's mother think? Lucille still heard her voice in her ear, worrying about her son's delay about high school.  
She looked up and met Eliott gaze. How to resist him? The girl bit her lip and smiled.  
"Well... Where do you want to go?” She asked in a small voice as if she feared that anyone other than Eliott could hear her.  
"Yes!” The boy shouted, much less concerned than she was to be heard. He put his hands on her cheeks and quickly put his lips on hers. "It's a surprise, I've planned everything. We put our books in my locker and we're out off here!”  
  
Lightened bags, hand in hand, high school in the back, Lucille and Eliott had the whole city just for them.  
"Well, you have the choice. Either we take bus and subway or we walk.” The boy said.  
"is it far?  
-No, it's ok.  
-Then we walk!" 

__

__Wanting to take the time to make the most of this day, Lucille was in no hurry to get to the destination, whatever the nature of the latter. That day, the air was cold but a big sun was shining in the blue sky of Paris. The icy wind coming to sting her nose, the teenager buried her face in her thick scarf, Eliott's hand still in hers.  
  
With a quiet step, the young couple went up the _Faubourg Saint-Jacques_ , walked along the old walls with colorful mosaics of the _Hôpital Cochin_ , turned to _rue de Cassini_ to join the _avenue de l'Observatoire_ and its plane trees denuded because of the winter, they walked along the _jardin_ _des Grands Explorateurs_ , deserted at this hour then walked on _rue Michelet_.  
  
A few meters away, without warning, Eliott stopped and turned to an impressive building of the late nineteenth century of white stones and fine moldings.  
"Here we are.” He said proudly.  
Surprised, Lucille looked around. She didn't know this place, looking up, she saw a great status and read the Romanesque writings under it.  
"The... The pharmacy school?"  
The young girl was expecting anything but that. She had imagined a cinema, a café or even a museum. But this? No really not.  
"Yeah.” Eliott replied, visibly amused by Lucille's surprised look. "Come on."  
They crossed the doors of the school.  
  
Lucille had never been to any university. The students, of course, all older than them, walked and ran between classrooms, serious teachers walked at full speed, piles of papers in their hands. The young girl, insecure by the gap she felt growing between them and her, squeezed Eliott's hand a little harder. In a nice outdoor courtyard, the teenager pushed a small iron gate.  
There, in the middle of the university, was nestled a lush garden despite the winter time. The couple was alone.  
"Do we have the right to be here?” Lucille asked worriedly.  
Eliott said nothing, just shrugging his shoulders. The girl slowed down.  
"Don't worry, it's open to the public!” Eliott retorted and laughed.  
  
The botanical garden of _La Faculté de Pharmacie de Paris___ was one of those hidden gardens that few Parisians knew. Created in 1884, this small botanical garden allowed students to learn the names and to recognize medicinal or toxic plants.  
  
Eliott and Lucille walked for a long time between basins, greenhouses and flowerbeds, laughing at some strange names, smelling the aromatic plants and watching the toxic ones.  
Sitting on a stone bench dominated by an impressive silver lime tree, Eliott fished a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one to his mouth. Nonchalantly, he put an arm around Lucille's shoulders, sitting close to him. The two teenagers remained motionless, one tightly against the other, wrapped in their winter coats.  
"So? Are we better here or in physics class?” Eliott asked.  
"Here, a thousand times here.” Lucille replied, smiling at him.  
"I have a surprise for you.” The boy said, leaning over his bag before putting it on his lap.  
"Another ?  
-I... I know I haven't been the best boyfriend lately, I didn't even wish you your birthday."

__

______Lucille had turned 16 on February 1st, the same day that Eliott's parents took him to see their doctor. Indeed, the boy didn't call her or even send a message. If deep inside herself, the girl had felt a tiny bit of disappointment, she wasn't mad at him at all.  
  
"It doesn't matter, really.” She said, pivoting slightly on the small stone bench to face him.  
"Yeah, but still, I'm catching up..." Eliott answered as he took a small black case out of his bag and handed it to her with both hands. "Happy Birthday."  
The girl grabbed the case, opened it delicately and discovered a fine silver bangle bracelet. Not knowing what to do or, worst, what to say, she looked at it for a moment before looking up into Eliott gaze.  
"Put it on..."  
With a trembling hand, she took the bracelet with her fingertips and put it on her thin wrist. The colour of silver blended perfectly with her smooth, pale skin. This jewelry had to cost him a fortune, maybe his parents had participated in this gift? Lucille smiled and put her lips on Eliott's.  
"Thank you.” She whispered, sincerely surprised and happy to live this little moment with her lover.

 

 

 


	8. Overdose

 

_ **Overdose**   
_Friday, April 22, 2016, 23:40_ _

 

_ _

___The winter had been long and rainy that year but in spring 2016, the sun made its comeback in the Parisian sky. The terraces were full again, the city asleep caught its breath.  
Lucille, like the city, enjoyed the good weather. Multiplying the outings to the park and in clubs with her friends, the girl was _**light hearted** _. In high school, her grades, in this last trimester, were great, at home, relations with her mother were better. Eliott was doing well, very well. The sad boy of this winter had given way to a bright and adventurous teenager. He had decided alone to enrol in drawing lessons and was planning several trips during the summer, he had also found a small job in a bookstore not to depend too much of his parents. In high school, he attracted girls and boys by his good mood and his ideas always appreciated. Lucille, discreet as usual, felt immense pride in walking hand-in-hand with him. It had been more than a year and a half now that Eliott and she were dating. An eternity at this age! Their friends, or even their vague acquaintances, never imagined one without the other. When Eliott captivated their group of friends by his overwhelming speeches, Lucille was always there, in his shadow, trying somehow to reason his sometimes crazy ideas. When she built any projects, Eliott was always at her side, offering his unfailing support.  
He needed her as she needed him.  
  
This Friday night, Charlotte had organised a party at her house, her parents having been away for the weekend. In the small lounge, about twenty teenagers danced to the rhythm of electronic music, stunning glasses of Soho and Passoa on the floor, laughing and shouting. On the couch, Charlotte was in great discussion with Lucille, the two girls screaming each other in their ears to hear about what they had to say.  
"Your glass is empty! Come on, you have to taste my new cocktail!  
-No no it's okay!"  
Lucille had fun and had a great time but she only dreamed of one thing: A good and long night of deep sleep. The week had been long and she knew that the next day she would have to get up early to help her father moving with his new girlfriend.  
"You're not funny Lucille! Try to fully enjoy for once!” Charlotte shouted. The girl had already drunk a lot and didn't seem to be stopping.  
"But I'm enjoying!  
-Seriously girl, you look like my grandma!"  
For any answer, Lucille pulled her tongue towards her friend. She didn't feel offended, knowing very well that, yes, she was probably the most reasonable one of their group of friends. Why such a thing as wanting to go to bed early was a shame?  
"I'll go home now! Have fun and don't be too wise Dollface!” Lucille said as she got up from the couch.  
"Count on me!” Charlotte shouted, cheerful, winking at her.  
  
Before leaving, Lucille made her way to the kitchen. There, a small group of boys were talking frantically. Two of them were sitting on chairs, one was sitting on the table next to different __food leftovers_ ____, two others were standing, and among them Eliott was sitting on one of the worktops. The teenagers didn't notice the discreet arrival of Lucille in the kitchen, the latter took the opportunity to watch Eliott. As the months went by, he was getting more and more handsome every day. He was now the tallest of his friends, he had a particular way of moving, almost dancing. Lately, he had the good idea to have his hair cut off, which was highlighting his beautiful eyes. Lucille was amazed to have the chance to stand by his side, she who seemed so common in comparison.  
  
Turning his face to her, Eliott waved a bright smile as he saw the girl. With an assured gesture, he invited her to join him. He spread his legs and Lucille walked close to him. He smelt alcohol and weed he had probably been smoking. The girl didn't like cannabis so much, not enjoying losing control of her thoughts. Eliott smoked a lot lately. After all, it was their age. Lucille put her hands on Eliott's thin waist. 

__

______"I'll leave.  
-Already??” He wondered looking sincerely disappointed.  
"Yeah, I'm tired.” She answered in a small voice. Eliott took her face in his hands and frowned.  
"Are you okay?  
-Well yeah! I'm just tired and I have to get up early tomorrow.” The young boy always looked skeptical and seemed to be searching for the slightest doubt in Lucille's big round eyes. "I'm fine, I swear!” She insisted, smiling, feeling so soft because of Eliott's concern towards her. To reassure him completely, still smiling, she kissed him on the cheek.  
"Good. I'm happy then!” He exclaimed as he put his lips in her thick hair.  
"It's true, you look very happy, it's nice to see..." Lucille said in a low voice to be heard by Eliott only.  
"Yep... Everything's good right now, that's fucking crazy! You know what?” He kissed Lucille, caressing her lips with his tongue. "I think I'm overdosing on happiness!"  
  
The girl burst into a loud laugh and buried her face in Eliott's neck. Yes, he was happy. And she was certainly not going to complain about it after the harsh weeks of this winter. If he was happy, she was happy. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does it smell bad ? Well... See ya' on next chapter ! :)


	9. Skids I

 

**Skids I**

 

 

 _Friday, July 8, 2016, 8:12 AM_  
  
To celebrate the end of school year, Lucille, Eliott and three of their friends had decided to go on holidays together on the _île de Ré_. The small amount of money they have saved during the year combined with some helps from their parents allowed them to book a small camping site for a week.  
Joyfully, they took the train then went to the island by bus. The first day was devoted to the build up of their small camp. They stayed awake until a very late hour, all being euphoric to live their first holidays just between friends with no parents to watch on them.  
  
In the tent, Lucille had fallen asleep quickly, curled up in her comfy sleeping bag. Eliott, not feeling the slightest sign of tiredness, took his sketchbook and started drawing frantically.  
  
The next day, awakened by the already bright light of the morning sun, Lucille opened her eyes. At her side, Eliott was sitting cross-legged, his body quite leaning on his notebook. Around him were piled many pieces of papers, some crumpled others intact, all covered with different black and white drawings.  
  
"Hello..." Lucille said in a voice still clouded with sleep.  
Eliott, visibly too focused on his drawings, didn't answer. Stretching, she straightened hard and was quickly hit by a vague feeling of fog. Looking around, she saw the remains of a joint in a shell beside Eliott.  
"Have you smoked in the tent?” She asked with frowning brows, her eyes struggling to stay open.  
"Oh hi.” He said, finally noticing her. Suddenly he leaned toward her and came to crush, more than to put, his lips on hers. "Yeah, just a small stick, for inspiration."  
A bad smell of old smoke floated into the whole tent. Lucille put her hand on her forehead, her head was hurting bad. So he had smoked in it? Was it too hard to go out, to get away from just two meters? Despite the growing anger, the girl made the choice to say nothing, preferring to avoid any early argument.  
"My head hurts..." She whispered.  
"I took some pills.” The young man answered quickly, distractedly. "Look!"  
With a sudden gesture he held out his skechbook under Lucille's eyes. The latter grabbed it and went through the many pages covered with many sketches. Everything seemed to follow a thread that clearly escaped the misty mind of the girl. While some drawings followed logically, others seemed to have fallen randomly on the paper. Sentences and simple words punctuated the story rather randomly as well. If the drawings were as usual, very well done, the organisation of them all was obviously more than wobbly.

 

"Have you done this all night long?  
-Yeah.  
-You didn't sleep?  
-No. So? That's good huh?!"  
Lucille looked up. It was obvious that the boy hadn't closed his eyes of all night. He had drawn features and his eyes were red and puffy. He watched her, waiting for an answer from her, unable to hide his excitation.  
"Yes. Yes... It's nice.” She answered, unwilling to honestly share her real thoughts. He seemed so happy, she didn't want to dissapoint him.  
"I'm sure it could be a huge success .  
-What?  
-I will publish it. I just have to finish it and that's it.  
-The... Publish it? But how?” Lucille had a hard time holding a so... surprising talk. Moreover at her wake up, in such a small tent, her mind misted with the vapors of cannabis.  
"I'll find a publisher in Paris! Fuck, it's gonna be awesome..." For a moment, Eliott appeared to pause, he inhaled a great breath of air and then slammed his thighs. "Well! I'm hungry, let's go to the bakery! See ya'!” As soon as he said it, he pulled on the zippers of the tent and stormed out.  
  
Enjoying a little fresh air from outside, Lucille took a deep breath and dropped back onto the thin mattress. Eliott's mind was filled with dreams and different plans, among others, that's what Lucille loved so much about him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 _Friday, July 29, 2016, 9:36 pm_  
  
Lucile was comfortably seated in her living room, playing a board game with her mother and younger brother. It had been an eternity that the girl hadn't spend a nice family evening, without tv or stupid fights. The window opened on the street let the noises of the terraces and the singing of the starlings in the plane trees of the little square be heard.  
While Lucille was about to throw the dice on the game board, a knock was heard at the front door. Mrs Guisez was about to get up when Eliott came into the apartment with a quick step. When he knew that Lucille wasn't alone at home, he used to wait for someone to come and open the door, he never came inside on his own. Surprised, the girl got up and went to meet him.  
"Hi.” Eliott kissed her longer than necessary in front of her family then shifted to greet them. "What's up?” He asked Lucille's mother.  
Since when did he talked to her mother in a so familiar way? It didn't bother the young girl but it was... New.  
  
Mrs Guisez had no time to answer that Eliott was already focusing all his attention to Lucille.  
"Look what I did this afternoon!” He lifted his T-shirt and showed her his bare torso. Lucille, astonished and a little ashamed of such a weird behaviour in front of her mother, didn't immediately see the little inscription on Eliott's heart.  
"It's... A tattoo?  
-Yeah." The boy replied proudly.  
  
Under a small patch of cellophane paper and covered with a thick layer of moisturizing cream, was engraved in the skin of Eliott the word "life" in black ink. The calligraphy was pretty.  
"Nice huh?"  
Lucille would have preferred to be alone with him in her room but the boy didn't seem determined to move.  
"Well... Yeah, yes it's nice. But... Did you do it straight out, on a whim? You never told me about it before.  
-I had the idea yesterday. "Life" is for Ali, for us, for everyone actually, to not forget to live, to live wildly, to do what we love, to do what we want.  
-But...  
-See, it's on my heart, I think it's cool to know that where it beats there's always life. As long as it works, there's hope. I couldn't be there for Ali so I wanted to pay tribute to him. Now I always have him with me."  
Eliott spoke quickly without taking the time to breathe, still shirtless, a bright smile hanging on his face.

 

Lucille turned towards her mother and her little brother and blushed at their lost looks.  
  
"You... Don't you think you'll regret it?"  
Eliott's eyes darkened, his face closed.  
"No. Why would you want me to regret?  
-I don't know... A... a tattoo is for life.  
-Well no, I won't regret it.  
-You... Your parents know?"  
  
At this last question, Eliott abruptly lowered his shirt. His eyes were now angry and expressed only contempt about the girl.  
"You're pissing me off.” Lucille froze, astonished by such a violence. Feeling the accusing look of her mother on her boyfriend, Lucille remained speechless for a moment. "I show you something that makes me happy, which is important to me and you breaking my balls with your fucking stupid questions!  
-Ellio...  
-Forget it, bye.” The young man turned around and got out of the apartment, slamming the door.  
  
Struggling to realise what just had happened, Lucille remained motionless for a few long seconds. She finally turned and walked slowly back to the table.  
"Is averything allright?” Her mother asked worriedly.  
"Yeah, yeah, it's just that he's a bit sensitive at the moment..." Lucille answered, minimising the whole situation.  
"It's not a reason to talk to you this way."  
The teenage girl brushed her mother's worries aside, trying to shut her own growing doubts in her mind.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You think the angst was over ?  
> Oh well... Sorry ! :P
> 
> See you soon !!


	10. Skids II

 

 

**Skids II** _  
_

 

 

 

 _Wednesday, August 3, 2016, 5:08 pm_  
  


Lucille and some of her friends had decided on that day to celebrate the surprise birthday of Antoine, one of Eliott's best friends. Everyone was at their usual café at 2PM, waiting for Antoine. Only Eliott was missing. Lucille tried to call him several times with no answer. The couple had seen each other since the tattoo incident and everything went well, Eliott acting as if nothing had happened.  
  
It wasn't until 3 hours later that the young man appeared on the terrace, wide dark rings under his eyes and a bright smile on his face. He spoke quickly and was unable to stand still.  
"Hey sorry guys! I had lost hack of time!” He exclaimed without any real excuses in his voice. Eliott gave high fives to his friends, kissed Lucille's temple and sat down abruptly at the only free chair. Even when he was sitting, his legs kept moving, he ordered a beer.  
  
"I'm on a whole new project.” Announced the young man without anyone asking him anything. "I'm writing some political articles. Caricatures and denunciations. With everything going on with this fucking society, I think people need to have their eyes open."  
For many minutes Eliott explained his new ambitions to the small group of their friends. At first interested, they all listened to him, then, finally, grew weary, Eliott's speeches being more than painstaking to follow. Some tried to redirect the conversation but, taking advantage of well-fallen gaps, Eliott always came back to his words.  
"I have a cousin who's journalist, I sent him some of my sketches. I honestly think it could interest many many french people. Then we'll see for the translation. A new look on society by someone who is young. It's gonna be a huge success, I have to start using social networks...” Feeling the awkwardness growing up around the table, Lucille glanced at her friends. Obiviously, some of them didn't understand anything of what was happening, not recognizing their friend. Others watched him angrily, starting to lose patience, annoyed by Eliott's overwhelming presence.  
  
"The style is more realistic than what I used to draw, it...  
"Are you serious Eliott?!” Antoine barked, staring at him.  
"What?  
-What the fuck is happening to you dude? Give us a break, we don't care about all your... New things!  
-Aren't you interested in your friend's projects?"  
Eliott's body was tense and his eyes glowed with anger, the frustration of not receiving the unconditional support of his friends overflowing of his dilated pupils. Lucille put a hand on his thigh.  
"Yes of course I do but it's too much! You didn't even ask once how we are... Or... I don't know, maybe you could have wish me happy birthday ! Seriously, You don't give a fuck about what's going on around you! You're so fucking selfish, mec!"  
Eliott stood up abruptly and leaned on the table in front of Antoine.  
"Oh I see... You're so fucking jealous!” He taunted bitterly. "You can't stand my success, my projects!  
-Excuse me?” Antoine replied in an aggressive voice as he got up in his turn. The tension was at its peak. Charlotte went close to Antoine.  
"Drop it, you can see he isn't his normal self...  
-For fuck sake! You too!” Eliott yelled, glaring at Charlotte. "You're all so envious...  
-Eliott... " Lucille whispered, swamped by her boyfriend's anger.  
"Let me finish! You are all so envious. You see me moving forward while you... You do nothing but shitting around and talking about how smart you are!"  
  
Lucille felt tears come to her eyes. It wasn't Eliott, it wasn't him, it was impossible... All this hate, this feeling superiority, this total disregard for his friends... Why did he act like that? Something was wrong. Pulling herself together, she grabbed his hand and stood up.

"Come on, let's go.” She told him. She pulled him and dragged him away.  
"Fuck, I can't believe it, they're pathetic, these aren't what I call friends!” Eliott was struggling to shut his anger off, still pissed of by the lack of interest his friends had in his plans.

  
So much anger... Lucille, judging that they were far away enough from their friends, stopped and stood in front of the young man, close to him.  
"I'm sure they're concerned for you and your drawings and... uh... your new press articles. This isn't the point.” She said in the softest voice possible.  
Eliott looked at her, his eyes filled with incomprehension.  
"You look tired, haven't you slept yet?  
-I'm too busy to sleep! It would be wasting time! Then I'm not tired!"  
A heavy silence fell on the two teenagers. Lucille gathered all her courage and spoke again.  
"You... Are you still going to see the therapist?  
-Yeah.” The young man answered, shrugging his shoulders.  
  
Relieved to see that Eliott didn't take her question badly, Lucille smiled at him, grabbed his shirt and moved closer to him.  
"Do you know what would be nice?” She purred.  
"What ?  
-A quiet evening at home, my mother works late. No paper, no pencil, no TV, just you and me..."  
The young man dropped her hands and ran his fingers through his wild hair.  
"Yeah, well, sure, it would be nice but I have lots of things to do... I just had an idea, I have to go."  
Without ceremony Eliott started to move away from Lucille, walking to his home.  
"Wait... You... Aren't you going to your drawing class?” The girl called out one last time, looking at the dial of her watch.  
"No, I gave up, the teacher sucks, I told her, she didn't like it. Well then, see ya'!"  
Eliott disappeared into an adjacent street.  
  
Lucille remained motionless as a statue on the sidewalk. No, really, something was definitely wrong.

___Wednesday, August 10, 2016, 7PM___  
  
Lucille was reading one of her favourite books, comfortably lying on her bed. Eliott had come to spend part of the afternoon at her home. Despite the late hour, he was still there, sitting at the girl's desk, frantically covering dozens of papers of his hasty writing.  
  
focused on her book, Lucille didn't notice at first that the little speaker was off for the first time in hours. Finally noticing, she looked up at her boyfriend.  
  
Eliott had left the desk and stared at her with a dark look. Lucille swallowed hard, her mouth being dry since few seconds. The young man's face had always been very expressive, and it amused Lucille to see how much he couldn't hide the slightest emotion. Sadness, happiness, excitement, arousal... She knew every sign on Eliott's face. But this one... That staring and frightening gaze, jaw clenched, body stretched out. It was the first time. Lucille felt a cold shiver run down her spine. Not knowing how to react, she remained silent. Long seconds flew before Eliott took a few steps in her direction, his eyes still on her. As he walked towards her, he took off his T-shirt before throwing it into a corner of the room. He joined her on the bed, put his hands on her thin hips and buried his mouth against her neck.  
  
"I want you.” He sighed in her ear.  
Lucille relaxed. A small smile appeared on her face and she let her head back against the wooden headboard, welcoming the young man's lips on her skin. For days and days Eliot was distant, too busy with his various projects to be fully with Lucille. Only the two of them, forgetting the world around them. She wanted him too, she really wanted to make love with him but the reality caught up her very quickly. Her mother was in the living room, right there, on the other side of the thin door. No, it was definitely not the right time.  
  
"Wait..." She whispered, half-heartedly, running her fingers through Eliott's hair, staring up at the ceiling, forcing herself to calm down.  
The young man moved his lips to the base of her neck, his tongue dancing on the moist skin of Lucille. With his hands, he defly unclipped one by one the pearl buttons of the girl's white shirt. In his haste, he tore off one.  
"Eliott, wait.” She repeated, still smiling, flattered by Eliott's desire.  
Showing no reaction to the words of the girl, Eliott gently bit her skin, his hands on her breasts, only covered with a thin bra pink lace.

Had he not heard? Lucille cleared her throat.  
"Eliott.” She called in a clearer, louder voice.  
Still unresponsive, the young man leaned a little more and stretched out all his weight on the girl, squeezing his shirtless torso against her.  
  
All arousal, all desire completely deserted Lucille's mind. Did he really intend to stop? What was going on in his head? Suddenly, fear gripped her throat. It wasn't him, it wasn't Eliott. He never had, in the past, made any violent or even inappropriate gesture in her direction. Always listening to her, he could hear and understand the least of her desires, each of her refusals. What was happening then so that this time Eliott refused to hear it?  
  
"Eliott, stop..." She tried to pull out herself from his grip, but with an authoritarian gesture, the young man pushed his hips on against hers.  
Lucille's eyes blurred with tears as she felt Eliott's fingers open the fly of her denim shorts. It was a nightmare.  
  
On desperate move, Lucille put her hands on Eliott's head and pulled it back, gripping his hair by force. Having no other choice, the young man's gaze fell into her.  
"Please... Stop ..." She asked him in a broken voice, forcing herself not to blink once to make him understand at best all the distress she felt at the moment.  
  
Eliott finally stopped and in his eyes, Lucille saw a wave of terror carrying everything in its path. He straightened up, closed his eyes and when he opened them again, his gaze was filled with anger. Without saying anything, he stood up and stormed out of the room. The girl, not thinking twice, followed him. He didn't even take the time to put his T-shirt on. Shirtless, he crossed the living room with long strides, made his way past Lucille's mother who watched him, speechless then he left the apartment.  
  
The shirt open on her bare skin and her bra, Lucille remained motionless. She met her mother's gaze.  
"What happened?” She asked with an authoritative voice, worried about reading so much panic on her daughter's face.  
  
Not wanting to explain anything right away and being unable, anyway, to produce the slightest sound coming from her knotted throat, Lucille turned around and came back into her room. After slamming the door, she leaned against it, feeling exhausted. The trembling body, still in shock, she slid to the ground, put her head on her knees and burst into tears.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maniac crises can be very different depending on people.  
> The one which Eliott is living is a bad one but... Hey, everything's gonna be alright, as usual ! ;)  
> Hope it's still good to read... :)  
> See you soon !


	11. Skids III

_ _

 

_ **Skids III**   
  
_Tuesday, August 23, 2016, 11:55_ _

 

 __  
  
Lucille was at her father's house, spending part of the holidays with him. The girl hadn't spoke to Eliott since her bedroom's incident. Still angry and shocked, she hadn't try to call him and he hadn't call her either.  
  
Lucille was cooking a tomato pie for the whole family when she heard cell phone ring in the living room. Wiping her hands hurriedly in an old towel, she rushed to the phone. The name of Eliott's mother appeared on the screen.  
"Hello?  
-Hello Lucille, how are you?  
-I'm fine thanks, how about you?"  
Mrs Demaury ignored the question.  
"I hope I'm not disturbing you.  
-No no, well I'm cooking, I'm at my father's.  
-Ah.  
-Did you want to talk to me about something?  
-It's about Eliott, I'm getting more and more worried about him."  
  
Lucille remained silent, not knowing what to say. Despite everything the young man did, she still was worried sick for him. Just like her mother.   
"I wanted to talk to you this afternoon.  
-Yes of course.  
-I would have proposed to meet you at a café closer to your father's but... Christophe works and Eliott being at home, I don't want to leave him alone too long.  
-I can come, it's not that far.  
-Perfect. Then see you later and thank you."  
  
The two women were once again seated at the kitchen table of the Demaury, two glasses of fresh lemonade that had just been prepared by Eliott's mother in front of them. They were alone, Eliott having gone out they didn' know where and his brother being with friends.  
  
"Well, I think you noticed, Eliott isn't feeling very well. Mrs.” Demaury began as a preamble.  
"Well..." Lucille searched for the right words. "He's fine. That's what he's doing that is... Weird.  
-What do you mean?  
-He says he feels good, he's in a good mood, very good mood even but... He changed.  
-We agree.” Mrs Demaury decreed, sipping a long sip of lemonade. "He isn't in his normal state. At first I thought it was the after-effects of his depression. Then I thought he's a teenager, he's looking for himself, it's normal to do silly things, to be enthusiastic to the extreme but... That's too much.  
-Yes. He... Uh... All he does, his projects, his wishes, it's good but...  
-It doesn't make sens, you can say it. I've always encouraged his creative spirit and his crazy ideas, but that's beyond him, he doesn't control anything anymore.  
-Right..."  
  
Lucille lowered her head. Once again, Eliott's mother looked very worried, perhaps even more than this winter. 

__"Lucille, I'm going to ask you a question, I need you to answer me honestly, it's important."  
The girl raised her head and locked her eyes into hers. Her eyes were as beautiful as her son's ones.  
"Is he taking drugs?  
-No!” Lucille's answer had been flowing from her mouth before she could think about it. "Actually...  
-Lucille, tell me everything, I won't judge you.  
-Some joints from time to time."  
Against all odds, this answer seemed to relax Mrs. Demaury.  
"Cannabis can't do that..." The woman sighed. "No hard drugs? Cocaine, heroin...?  
-No no. Well not that I know at least...”  
  
Feeling the tone of regret in the girl's voice, Eliott's mother's eyes softened.  
"Is he turning away from you?  
-Yes, a bit... It started with our friends, there are plenty who can't stand him anymore, he can be a little hard to follow sometimes... And about me, well... ten days ago, we had a fight and since then I have no news from him.  
-You know, I don't think he doing all this on purpose, it's..."  
  
Mrs Demaury was interrupted by the door opening on Eliott. It seemed to Lucille that the latter had lost weight again, his features were still drawn, wide dark rings darkened his eyes and his whole body seemed tensed.  
The young man remained motionless in front of the two women seated at the kitchen. He didn't expect to see Lucille indeed. A suspicious look closed his face even more. He frowned.  
"Hi.” He said in a deep, anxious voice.  
"Hi.” Lucille replied with a shy little smile.  
"It's good that you're here, I had to talk to you.” The young man said as he walked to his room. Lucille followed him.  
  
In the small room, Lucille closed the door behind them. The place was cluttered with clothes, objects of all kinds and an impressive number of scribbled notebooks. If Eliott was not an extremely organized boy, he tried to keep the place tidy. There, Lucille could not take a step without stepping on something, the air was warm, the curtains were drawn, obviously, the boy had not ventilated the room for a long time. Eliott threw his bag into a corner of the room and turned to face Lucille.  
  
"I did not know you had to come. He said to him in a cold tone.  
"Your mother just invited me for a drink, we had not seen each other for a long time. It was not planned. Lucille replied, feeling suddenly accused of any plots against Eliott.  
The latter did not seem convinced of this answer but preferred, obviously, not to insist on this subject.  
"I have to talk about something. "  
  
The teenager did not sit down, preferring to walk the room with a nervous step. Lucille remained motionless, just watching Eliott come and go from one side of the room to the other. Eliott's nervousness echoed on her and she felt her belly knot. 

 

 __"I met a girl. The hard, cold words had fallen like a chopper on Lucille's throat. The breath ran, she remained silent.  
"Last week at the park. Her name is Amelie.  
"You do not know her ..." Lucille murmured, all the strength seeming to leave her body.  
  
"It's you who do not know her! Eliott snarled in a firm tone. "This is the first time I feel that way. Passion. We listen to the same music, we spend our evenings smoking, we make love, we talk for hours, we laugh ... It's fusional. "  
Why did he tell him all this? Each new word was another stab in Lucille's heart. If she could move, she would have plugged her ears, she wanted to disappear, hide in a tiny corner. No, she did not want to hear more, and yet he continued.  
"She made me discover lots of books, she understands me and yet I surprise her. She is happy, creative, talented ... "  
The girl stared at him, tears streaming down her child's cheeks. He seemed sincere, so sincere. He was happy. Happy to have found this girl who looked so much like him. There was no doubt in his voice, just a new euphoria that he never seemed to have lived in his company.  
"Between us it's special, it's great, I can not do without it, it's the love of my life, it's ..."  
  
Finally, Lucille exploded, her feelings, her sorrow, her wounds escaping from all the pores of her skin.  
  
"Why are you telling me all this ?! She snarled.  
"I owe you the truth, I do not want to hurt you, I have to be sincere with you, you deserve it. "  
To deserve what? Lucille thought bitterly. Did she deserve, then, that the boy she had been in love with for almost two years spit in his face her new encounter? Did she deserve to hear all this, to hear how bland and uninteresting she was beside this ... Unknown?  
Suddenly, nothing had meaning or importance. The anxiety passed, the words of Mrs. Demaury, "It is not on purpose", all disappeared in a whirlwind of rage and pain. How could a boy do so much harm around him? Everyone was able to weigh his words, to think of the feelings of others, was he, really incapable? He did not do it on purpose? It was not his fault? It was impossible! He was sincere, thought what he said, it was obvious.  
  
The trembling body, the sobs escaping from the depths of her soul, she advanced towards Eliott.  
" So what ? She said, the salty taste of her tears on her tongue. "It's over, is it?  
-Yes. I have to live my life and you have it. Eliott answered in a clear and assured voice.  
  
A hoarse breath slipped between the lips of the girl. She wanted to hit him, put him on the ground, give him as many blows as he had stabbed their story. But she could not, instead she turned around and ran out of the sweltering little room. In the living room, she did not leave the ground of the eyes, not taking to confront the mother of Eliott. Once in the street, she collapsed on the sidewalk, her body shaking with uncontrollable sobs. Once again. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeaaaah, sorryyy ! I know, it's a lot of pain and angst !   
> I think it's important to show that Manic crises can be Hell on earth...  
> It's gonna be alright soon, I promise ! :)


	12. Stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooops... I know, I'm a bit late for this chapter ! But... I wrote an Elu smut and as I'm a slow writier, it took me 4 days...  
> But hey, here is Growing Up chapter 12 !

 

_ **Stop**   
_September  Saturday 3, 2016, 3:44 pm_ _

 

_ _

___ Lucille painfully walked on  _ _ _ rue Didot _ _ _ under a blazing sun, her arms laden with grocery bags. Her mother, tired of seeing her daughter wollowing in her own sorrow, sitted on the couch all day had sent her to the store, to buy something for dinner. Hearing her phone ring in her backpack, Lucille hastily put the plastic bags at her feet and grabbed the phone.  
  
"Hello?  
-Lucille?"  
At the tone of Mrs Demaury's voice, Lucille felt that something serious happened.  
"Yes?  
-Is Eliott with you?"  
Nathalie Demaury spoke quickly, she sounded like on a rush and panicked.  
"No. You know that...  
-He's gone, we have no idea where he might be.  
-He'll come back sooner or later...” She replied, still bitter after the harsh break up and the chaos that had been going on for several weeks. "He must be with his girlfriend.” She added with clenched teeth.  
"Yeah... No... Maybe. We're really worried, he doesn't feel good at all."  
  
_ _ _ Nothing new _ _ _ Lucille thought. The latter couldn't stand to hear these words anymore. It had been several weeks since Eliott "didn't feel good" so what? He doesn't feel good, he doesn't feel good...  _ _ __ _ _ Oh yeah but what about me?! Do they think I feel pretty good? _

____  
"I know he's not doing well.” Lucille simply replied.  
"No, really, he... He... Something changed." Mrs. Demaury insisted in a shrill voice, like the squeak of an injured animal.  
"What do you mean?” Lucille asked, Eliott's mother's worry mingling with her own bitterness.  
"He... He thinks that the whole world is against him, that he's being followed or stalked... That people are going to kill him, he's sure he's going to die. He realised that something is wrong but he isn't looking in the right way. This morning he went out saying that he was going to fix the problem and... And since then nothing."  
  
Understanding the urgency of the situation, Lucille didn't know what to answer. Remained motionless in the middle of the sidewalk, she remained indifferent to the bad mood of the passers-by, embarrassed in their walk by her and her grocery bags.  
"Look, I don't know why I tell you all this, maybe I shouldn't, but please, if you see him, if you learn something, if you hear anything, call us.  
-Yes, yes of course.  
-Thank you."  
  
  
Lucille didn't get any news for days. Then, the day before the school start, Mrs Demaury called her back and told her what was going on. 

__ On the peak of kind of delirious crisis, Eliott had walked a whole day and a whole night in the streets of Paris. At night, he stopped a car and asked to be taken to the nearest police station. He had convinced himself that he had dismantled an important terrorist network. At the police station, the policemen, wh _ _ o had been more than experienced in this type of situations,  _ __ quickly noticed that the boy wasn't in his normal state and they had taken him to the psychiatric hospital. There, Eliott had been hospitalised in a child and adolescent mental health service. For now, he was gradually emerging from the state of crises in which he was since weeks, helped by the medications prescribed by the specialists. Once his condition would be stabilised, he would still be hospitalised for two weeks if everything went well, time for the the medical team to find a new reliable diagnosis.  
  
Lucille, dazed by this turn of events, hung up and gently put her phone next to her. She felt for the first time that terrible feeling of guilt growing in her belly. So he was really sick? And her, like an idiot, she was angry, upset, had been unable to understand the complexity of the situation...  _

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter indeed. The next one will come soon, I promise !


	13. To be born again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep ! As the last chapter was very short and soooo angsty (Did I say to you that I'm an angst bitch ?) I decided to post this one today...  
> I hope you'll like it as usual...

 

_ **To be born again**   
_Sunday, September 25, 2016, 5:20 pm_ _

 

_ _ _ _

__Lucille's comeback to school has been pretty well. She cameback to her daily routine between high school and home, friends and family, parties and homework. As for Eliott... She had almost no news. Mrs. Demaury had called her one day, in mid-September. The psychiatrist of the unit where Eliott was hospitalized diagnosed the young man with serious bipolar disorder. Last year's depressive episode following Ali's death had been misdiagnosed, as the doctor at the time had prescribed simple anti-depressants, which only worsened his state of mind. Now, properly supported, Eliott was getting better and better every day, and he could soon go home. She also told him that the young man had quickly left his “girlfriend”. For the first time in many weeks, Mrs. Demaury seemed optimistic. And since then, nothing. Lucille didn't know anything.  
He was at home, the girl knew it, seeing the light in her room lit up every night. But he hadn't contacted her, left her no message. That wasn't very surprising after all. ___What did you expect?__ _Lucille thought bitterly. In crisis or not, he had broken with her, they were no longer a couple, what right could she claim?  
  
Nevertheless, this Sunday, while Lucille was lying on the couch alongside her brother, watching a sitcom, her cell phone vibrated against the small coffee table in the living room. Stretching her arm towards the phone, the girl's heart stopped as she saw Eliott's name on the screen. Impatient, she opened the text in a hurry.  
  
"_ _ _Hi :) Do you think we could see each other?__ _"  
  
The message was short and laconic. Lucille answered quickly.  
  
"_ _ _Hi ! ;) Yes, yes of course! My mother and my brother are at home. At yours?__ _"  
  
  
"_ _ _No, my parents are here. On our bench?__ _”  
  
The phone in one hand, Lucille wrote a quick text while rushing into her room.  
  
"_ _ _Ok, I'll be there in a minute.__ ___"  
  
Barely taking the time to put on a pair of jeans and a light jacket, the girl brushed her hair briefly, pulled an old pair of Converse and walked out of the apartment. 

____At the edge of the small square, Lucille saw Eliott already sit on their bench. As he didn't see her coming, she took advantage of it to stop a few moments in order to stare at him. He seemed calm, very quiet. Sitting, his legs were motionless, his body wasn't moving in all directions like weeks before. He was just waiting patiently for her own arrival. Walking slightly, she saw his face. He seemed to have grown (or aged) of a few years in barely a month. He seemed to have regained some weight but something more had changed without Lucille knowing what exactly. He was no longer a child or even a teenager, he was a man. Young, yes, but a man anyway. Someone injured fighting to survive. Anyway, he was still beautiful and Lucille couldn't help but smile. Oh how much she had missed him...  
  
The girl took a deep breath and bravely walked towards him. Eliott noticed her and smiled shyly. Not knowing how to greet him (Kiss? Hug? Something more formal?) Lucille just smiled back and sat down next to him. Silence fell.  
It was Eliott who took things in hand first.  
  
"I'm sorry. For... for everything."  
Lucille stared into his eyes.  
"It wasn't your fault.” She whispered in a barely audible voice. She really thought what she was saying. Ok, she was still hurt by what he has said and did, but from what she understood, during those moments, Eliott couldn't control anything at all so how could she blame him? The most wounded, the one who had suffered the most was him, not her.  
"Anyway, I've been a big asshole with everyone and especially with you.” He said, his eyes filled with regrets.  
"It's past and now you know what you really have then... It'll get better."  
  
Silence fell again. Lucille looked down at her own hands, embarrassed not to know what to add. Eliott's words made her look up.  
  
"You know... I was maybe in a strange state of mind, but... I remember everything.” Eliott's eyes were flustered and began to fill with tears. About what did he think? Did he remember the time when he had broken up with Lucille, explaining to her how exceptional was the girl he had just met? Did he remember the night he almost didn't stop when she asked him so? Or about all the other times he was selfish or aggressive? "I remember and it's fucking killing me. So... " His voice broke, he looked down. "I could understand if you didn't want to see me again." 

____ Lucille grabbed his hands and squeezed them tightly in hers.  
"All is forgiven.” She whispered, smiling.  
Eliott removed his hands and took her in his arms, hugging her thin body against his.  
"Thank you.” He whispered.  
  
Forgetting people sitting on the terraces, curious onlookers and children playing around them, the two teenagers remained there, on their small wooden bench, arms in arms, for long minutes. Eliott was breathing hard, catching his breath, visibly relieved that Lucille expresses only love towards him. She closed her eyes, tasting the happiness to find, finally, the boy she was in love with back.  
  
Eliott slowly pulled away from their hug and put his hand into one of the pockets of his jeans.  
"I drew something ..." Feeling a slight of anxiety in Lucille's eyes, the young man hurried to clarify his words. "It's nothing at all huh. It's... Just a drawing for you, just for you.” He handed her a small white piece of paper folded in four. Lucille took it gently and unfolded it. Two little characters were drawn in black ink. "That's me.” Eliott explained, reaching out to a sad-eyed little raccoon. "And that's you.” He continued, pointing to a cat with fine, feminine features.  
  
Lucille watched for a long time the two animals entwined in black ink. Feeling her heart going up in her throat, she unhooked her eyes of the drawing and stared at Eliott. She put her hands on his neck, came close to him and put her lips against his.  
  
"I love you Eliott."  
  
He didn't answer back but deepened the kiss.

 

 


	14. Trial and error

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget that it's Lucille's pov, you can unagree with her thoughts but it remains her Truth...

 

**Trial and error**

 

Following Eliott's diagnosis, Lucille had chosen to join him in his fight against what had hurt him so much. She had read and read again each website about bipolarity she had found, watched dozens of Youtube videos and even visited her family doctor for him to give her medical advices. In the library, she had borrowed many books, from the most specific book ("Bipolar Disorders: Mania, hypomania and depression") to the most... Evasive novels ("Ballads on uncertain paths").  
  
One evening in October, her mother seeing her more and more absorbed in her research, delicately removed one of her books from her hands.  
"Don't you think you're doing too much?” She asked, putting a hand on hers.  
"Mom... It's... That's all I can do to help him.  
-Just be yourself, that's all he needs.  
-Mmh. Not sure..."  
  
The stabilisation of Eliott's mindstate was slow to reach. Unsuitable treatments, relapses, doubts. For seven long months, the crises multiplied, some of extreme violence, others foolishly close together. Patient and understanding, Lucille remained, all that time there, alongside the young man. Bending over backwards, she worked for two, allowing Eliott not to drop out of high school, she supported the fits of anger, comforted him many times.  
Lucille lived these few troubled months holding her breath, forbidding any of her selfish thoughts. She started to smoke. A little, then a lot. The nicotine silencing in a cloud of smoke, her worries of a young woman in love.  
  
Then, finally, in the spring, after a winter in hell, Eliott's mind finally found a slight cooling down. A new adapted treatment, the regular sessions with his therapist, the support of his relatives, all the work done finally bear fruit. Lucille, even if she felt relieved, didn't let go of the guard, keeping, in her soul, the past pains of Eliott.  
  
After many observations and researchs, she ends up recognising the slightest signs of Eliott's episodes. Through reading and research, she learned all the do's and don'ts. Now she knew Eliott by heart, and put this knowledge to his service. Never again would she let him sink, she made the promise, whatever it costs her, whatever others think.  
She would be there in both good and bad times. Taking care that Eliott takes his treatment well, that he doesn't smoke, that he doesn't drink too much, that he has a healthy lifestyle. Eliott didn't like when she was too much on his back, she knew it but couldn't help it.  
Even her mother had pointed it out to her.  
"Darling, that's not your role."  
Lucille shrugged, skeptical. What was her role then? Wasn't the aim of a lover to do everything to make his man happy? Lucille knew what was good for Eliott, should she ignore all this and let him self-destruct? No. It was way above her strength. So too bad. Too bad if Eliott got upset and screamed sometimes. Too bad if bitterness sometimes triumphed over tenderness. Lucille had made her choice; Eliott could hate her as much as he wanted, she wouldn't let him down.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, indeed, very small chapter ! I'm sorry it took me sooooo long to post it !  
> To make amends, I swear, I'll post the next chapter today or tomorrow ! :)


	15. Trust Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yepppp ! I'm sorry, I said I'd post this chapter yesterday but uh... It was a sunny day and then... Well, I had to go to work and... Anyway, sorry, here is this chapter !!  
> Oh btw, since last chapter, 4 more guests gave me some kudos sooo... Let me say to you all that I love you ! ^^

 

_ **Trust me**   
_Saturday, June 24th 2017, 11:41 pm_ _

 

_ _ _ _

____On this hot and sunny Saturday of June, Eliott had organised an evening party at his house, the opportunity to celebrate his birthday (17!) and the arrival of summer.  
The party was in full swing, teens dancing in the living room on sounds of pop beats or throwing themselves into long talks, sat on armchairs and other sofas. The alcohol was flowing, the laughter was firing. Everything was going well.  
  
Lucille was dripping with sweat because of the heat in the small apartment. She was jumping, laughing, dancing with her friends in the middle of the dance floor. She, who usually didn't drink a drop, let herself be tempted by two or three glasses, letting her body surrender to the soft laziness caused by alcohol. Dancing with Charlotte, she felt good. Suddenly, Lucille felt the need to be near Eliott, to hold him in her arms. The girl came out of the little group of dancers and looked all around her. Eliott was outside, leaning against the wall of the wrought-iron balcony, talking with some friends of their. Lucille walked an insecure step in his direction. Hearing the little glass door opening, the teenagers from the balcony turned to the newcomer. Eliott smiled at Lucille and stared at her with so much love that the young girl felt her cheeks blushing deeply. He softly brushed her red cheeks with his hands and put his lips on hers before taking her in his arms. For a moment, the teenage girl felt loved. The most loved and luckiest girl in the universe. Eliott looked at her and even sweaty and tipsy, she felt beautiful. To see herself through the eyes of her lover was one of the most briliant things she had experienced.  
  
Eliott had also been drinking. Knowing that it wasn't really recommended for him, Lucille had made the choice to say nothing for tonight. Exceptionally, it couldn't totally hurt him, right? And then, what made him happy at that moment was to party with his friends, so Lucille was happy in her turn. The girl took no part in the discussions around her, preferring to put her cheek against Eliott's chest, listening to his breathing and his heart beat to the rhythm of his laughter and his words. She closed her eyes, praying that this feeling of hapiness would never evaporate.  
  
When she opened her eyelids, she saw Eliott's long, thin fingers working to roll a joint. Lucille's body stiffened. In a fraction of a second her vision darkens. In her mind, she saw a thick gray smoke invading Eliott's mouth and slipping into his trachea and lungs. A very bad smoke bringing dark thoughts and dangerous feelings that wouldn't take long to take control of the young man. He who was going so well, would see himself once again sink into the limbo of his fucking bipolarity. No, Lucille couldn't stay there, doing nothing at all.  
  
She pulled back slightly and stared at Eliott's eyes.  
"Eliott..." she whispered.  
The young man rolled his eyes at the starry sky.  
"It's ok... It won't kill me..."  
Lucille shook her head. Unwilling to take a fight in front of their friends, she spoke again, this time in a voice a little louder.  
"Eliott, please, come, we have to talk."  
The young man reluctantly gave the joint to one of his friends. "Here, finish rolling it.” and followed the girl inside.  
  
Lucille knew very well where this talk they were about to have would lead them. She was going to tell him things he already knew, he wouldn't like it and he would get angry. It was like that each time. Once alone in the corridor overlooking to the bedrooms and bathroom, the girl stopped and turned to face Eliott. 

__  
  


____"You must not smoke, you know it, it's not good for you.  
-Eh, Lucille, don't be such a killjoy, it's not a small joint which will fucking screw me.  
-But... all your efforts, the medication... all this is useless if you smoke... »  
The girl's eyes were pleading, she couldn't convince him but she still had to try. Eliott's gaze, on the other hand, hardens.  
"Don't you want to forget all that just for one night?"  
  
Forgetting? Forgetting his struggles, his distress? Forgetting every time he said he wanted to take his own life? Forgetting his sad eyes, his meaningless words? No, she couldn't forget such things. Perhaps he could do that. In this case, he was much stronger and brave than her. Lucille, for her part, was too weak to erase from her memory all the horrors Elliot had experienced during these past months.  
  
"All these... Things... They aren't good for you...  
-I don't fucking care right now!  
-Please, don't smoke...  
-Stop Lucille. I need a girlfriend not a fucking nurse."  
  
The sharp words of the young man had the effect of a punch in the belly of Lucille. The latter lowered her eyes, focusing on her jerky breathing. Feeling the destress of the young girl and instantly regretting the tone used, Eliott kissed her hair.  
"I won't change my mind. I will go smoke and enjoy the party. If... If it's too hard for you or if... If you can't let yourself forgetting things, I think it's better for you to go home. And... we'll see each other tomorrow.” He said in a tender smile.  
Lucille looked up at him.  
"Okay?” He asked her simply.  
The girl didn't answer, her throat tight with worry. Eliott just smiled, placed a chaste kiss on his cheek and turned back to the balcony.  
  
Of course it wasn't "okay". Nothing was "okay"! Lucille bit her lip, her mind invaded by a burning guilt. Her lover was destroying himself and she couldn't do anything about it. Full of remorse, she blamed herself for not finding the right words, the right attitude. If only she could find the right words to force Eliott to understand how muche she loved him. If only he decided to take care of himself as much as she wanted...  
  
No, she wouldn't go home. She walked to the kitchen, grabbed a large glass bottle and filled it with water before joining Eliott's room where she sat on the bed. Lucille had only one idea in mind: to get sober again as quickly as possible, to regain all her lucidity. For her, the party was over. If Eliott got out of control, if dark thoughts invaded his mind again, despite all her warnings, she had to stay there. Whatever happens, she would be there and take care of him. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget, once again, that it's Lucille's pov.   
> Yeah, Eliott's situation is terrible but Lucile's isn't easy either. She's just a teen who try to do her best to support the boy she loves.  
> Oh and... Let me say it to you... Lucas' time is coming soon... :P


	16. I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very small chapter which isn't like the others, you'll see why...  
> I'll post the next one soon, can't wait to post Lucas' time ! ;) (2 more chapters... hehe)
> 
> By the way... i like the idea that I can't spoil this story. We all already know the end, right ? ;)

 

**_ I love you  
_ ** _ Friday, September 15, 2017, 22:12 _

 

__

__In Charlotte's room, Lucille was comfortably settled on the bed, wearing soft an comfy pyjamas, her friend's head resting against her legs. Charlotte being a great cinema lover, she used to invite Lucille home to make her discover French and European cinema classics.  
That night, it was Godard's ___Le Mépris__ _that the girl had chosen. A hand in a large box of candy, Lucille was totally absorbed by the small screen of the laptop at her feet. The film had just begun that already, Brigitte Bardot, lying on her stomach on a bed, totally naked, was staring at Michel Piccoli with stunning ingenuous eyes. The famous actress was beautiful, lying in this way, totally abandoned, long and thin legs, rounded bottom... Lucille would have loved to look like her.  
  
_ _ _"Then you love me totally...  
\- Yes, I love you totally, tenderly, tragically."__ _  
  
"Pfff!” Lucille mumbled, shrugging her shoulders.  
"What?” Charlotte was always curious about what Lucille might think about her favorite movies. She had already watched them a million times, saw only the fantastic lights, sumptuous montages and great mixes while Lucille kept a naive and candid eye on these films. Her opinions were very interesting for Charlotte, who wanted to join a cinema school.  
"It's unrealistic.” Lucille simply said, putting a gelly candy in her mouth.  
  
Frowning, Charlotte paused the film and, leaning on one of her elbows, turned to face Lucille.  
"Unrealistic?  
-Well yeah.” the girl replied, picking one more candy in the box.  
"Why that?  
-Nobody says "I love you" like that, so easily.” Lucille explained, very confident about her statement.  
"Yes, of course people can say that so easily!  
-Thomas, he already said it to you?"  
Thomas had been Charlotte's new boyfriend.  
"Well yeah, many times.  
-And did you tell him too?” Lucille kept asking with curious tone of voice.  
"Yeah, lots of times!” Charlotte replied with a big smile.  
  
Thoughtful, Lucille focused on the candy box, looking for her favorites.  
"Haven't you ever told "I love you" to Eliott?"  
Lucille looked up at Charlotte.  
"Yeah, sometimes.  
-And... Did he told you?"  
Lucille shrugged her shoulders and once again focused her attention on the candies. Unfortunatelly, her friend didn't seem ready to let her avoiding this talk. She raised her voice, a look of great surprise hanging on her face.  
  
"Wait... He... He never told you “I love you”?” Charlotte asked, standing up and sitting cross-legged in front of the girl.  
"Uh... No, never.” Lucille replied in a small voice, forcing herself to keep an indifferent face.  
"Never, ___never__ ___... Like... Never?! No, but wait... Since how long you two have been together?  
-I'd say... A little more than two years, something like that... " Lucille knew exactly since when Eliott and her were together, it had been exactly 2 years and 7 months but again, she wanted to seem detached from all hurting feelings this talk could bring.  
"Whaaaaat?! More than 2 years and he never told you “I love you”?!” Charlotte exclaimed, her eyes growing wide and her mouth falling open.  
  
Lucille, feeling discomfort compressing her chest, grabbed a new gelly candy. Admittedly, she herself had already been surprised that Eliott had never said those three little words to her, but she didn't expect to see her friend as shocked as she was by this revelation. She shrugged again. Charlotte, becoming aware of what her reaction could suggest, recovered herself by clearing her throat.  
  
"No but uh... it's okay huh, it means nothing.” She stammered in a voice no more convinced than convincing. "He shows it in another way that's all..." Then, with a quick gesture, she grabbed the candy that lucille was about to bite and put it on her tongue. Turning her back laughingly, she put the film back on and rested her head on the legs of her friend.  
  
Lucille had a lot more struggles than before to focus on the film. Why had he never told her "I love you"? 

 

 

 


	17. First Time

 

_ **First time**   
_Saturday December 16 2017, 5:18 pm_ _

 

_ _

___Since Eliott's parents had been away for the weekend with their eldest son, the young teenagers had been able to enjoy the apartment on their own for many long hours.  
  
Lying on Eliott's bed, Lucille was reading one of the books that her French teacher had asked them to read by the beginning of January. Literature had always been one of the girl's favourite class. Unlike her friends, Lucille enjoyed discovering new classics of French language. Zola's ___L'assomoir__ _was_ _no exception to the rule_ _. Totally absorbed in her reading, the teenager didn't notice at first the ringing of Eliott's phone from the bedside table of the young man. After a few seconds, Lucille turned her head to the phone but didn't care about it, Eliott being in the shower. Then, a few minutes later, the ringtone, again. The girl wasn't used to looking at Eliott's phone when he wasn't there, so she didn't move and went back to her reading. The phone ringed a third time. Laying her book on her lap, Lucille glanced at the phone. Maybe something was going wrong? Why insist so much?  
Leaning on her elbow, the girl stretched out her arm and grabbed the phone. The name "Florian" appeared on the screen. Lucille didn't know any boy named Florian. Maybe he was a cousin or anyone from Eliott's family? The girl picked up the phone.  
  
"Hello?  
-Uh..." The man named Florian obviously sounded surprised to hear Lucille's voice and not Eliott's. "I... I wanted to talk to Eliott.  
-He's busy right now. But I can take a message.  
-No, no, it's okay, thanks."  
The boy hung up.  
  
_ _ _Odd...__ ____Thought Lucille shrugging her shoulders before putting the phone next to her on the mattress. She bended her knees and went back to reading.  
  
A few minutes later, a shrill sound escaped again from the phone. Lucille didn't really want to look. She automatically turned her head towards the sound. She stared at the screen, which, despite the lock, displayed the contents of the message. She read the words without any real purpose. Once again, just an instinctive react.  
  
"Eliott, are you free soon?"  
  
A new friend? Eliott had never told her about this Florian. Where had they met? He wasn't in high school, the girl would necessarily remember. Perhaps he was a former friend of his drawing classes who asked for some news? But why now and why be suddenly so insistent?  
  
New alarm, new text. Now curious, Lucille leaned over the phone.  
  
"I fucking miss you." 

__  
  


__If Lucille's heart seemed to break into a thousand pieces, these four little words had the merit of removing all doubt. Florian wasn't a simple friend or a cousin. Leaving her book, the girl grabbed the phone and stared at the message. Each reading felt worse than the previous one, and yet she couldn't help but read and read it again. These words she had told him so often... Another person wrote them to him. That Florian was a boy didn't change anything. Eliott was cheating on Lucille, that was the only fact that reached the girl's heart.  
  
The phone ringed again in her shaking hands. New text from Florian:  
  
"I miss your lips. I miss your hands. I only think about you."  
  
It wasn't the first time. Eliott had several adventures with girls or boys. Lucille knew it, it wasn't a secret, Eliott had told her. But this time, everything was different. Eliott was fine. Until then, the young man's cheatings were the result of manic crisis. "I was out of my mind.” And Lucille understood that. In those moments, the young man wasn't able to control his desires, his impulses. In a sense, he wasn't really responsible for his actions. In any case, that's what Lucille liked to think.  
But this time... Eliott was taking his treatment, his mood was stable for weeks. Lucille had to face the facts: The young man's bipolarity could no longer explain everything.  
  
The girl didn't hear the silence which replaced the sound of the shower any more than she noticed the arrival of Eliott in the room, a towel tied around his waist.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
The young man's cold, suspicious voic_ _e_ _pulled her out of her_ ___thoughts. She looked up from the phone to shift her attention to Eliott. The latter, having caught her looking at his phone, was surprised. He clenched his jaw and frowned.  
  
"What about you? What are you doing?” Lucille replied, anger growing inside her whole body.  
Struggling to understand what the girl meant, Eliott shrugged.  
"Uh well, I'm getting out of the shower, actually. This is my phone right?” He asked.  
  
Lucille's lips twisted in a joyless grin. No, she wouldn't let Eliott turning the situation around like that, no way.  
"Yeah, it's your fucking phone.” She answered before slamming it against the mattress. She got up quickly and walked to the living room. She had to leave the room before exploding with rage or worse, implode by grief. "By the way, you should call Florian back, he seems eager to hear you.” She whispered, passing close to the young man.  
  
Alone in the living room, Lucille stayed motionless for a long time standing in front of the door. She wanted to run away, run without turning around, get away from any further disappointment, hiding under her cover. A desire counterbalanced by the need to understand, to know more. Both teenagers had to have a serious talk. A perspective that greatly frightened the girl. And if, at the end of this talk, Eliott would leave her for real? At this thought, a wave of anxiety gripped her throat. Did she want to break up with him? Strangely, no. Yes, she was hurt, felt anger boiling in her veins. But in spite of everything, in the depths of herself, Lucille knew it, she preferred to live wounded than to live without him. She sat on the couch and waited for Eliott to take the first step. 

__  
  


__Finally, after 15 minutes, maybe less maybe more, Eliott left his room. He wore an old jogging and a faded t-shirt. He held his phone in one hand and lowered his head, not daring to look at the girl in the eye. Slowly, he crossed the living room and went to sit on the small coffee table, facing Lucille. Not knowing how to start, he remained silent for a few moments before raising his face to her.  
  
"I'm sorry.” He said in a low voice.  
" Why?” The question stormed out from the girl's lips.  
"Because I should't have done that, you don't deserve it, I...  
-No.” Interrupted Lucille with authority, struggling to keep her tone of voice assured. "Why are you... Are you cheating on me like that all the time?"  
  
Lucille only had eyes for Eliott. She had never felt the slightest attraction for another person. Being with Eliott made her really happy, she didn't need more or... Someone else. Even today, his eyes on her body were everything for her, only the young man in front of her was allowed to look at her, to desire her. So why didn't he feel the same way? Why wasn't she enough to make him happy?  
  
"I don't know..." Eliott answered in a breath, lowering his eyes to his lap.  
"That's not an answer.” Lucille insisted, anxious to get clear answers to her wonderings. The young man, however, kept silence. The girl then saw his grey-blue eyes misting with tears, she stared at an opposite place, to see him cry could literally break her heart, even now, even under such a circumstance. "Maybe... I'm not good enough for you or I'm not attracting enough or you're not...  
-Stop that.” Eliott said. He stared at her big hazel eyes. "You... Lucille, you're perfect. I... I feel good with you. Seriously, there is only with you that I feel so good, so safe.  
-Oh come on, if you really thought all that, you wouldn't cheat on me like you always do.  
-I'm serious, you have to believe me. __Only you can help me to feel better sometimes_ ___, you know me by heart and me too I know you. I... I'm good with you, damn it.  
-So... I ask again... Why?"  
  
Silence fell again. Eliott lowered his head again, struggling to find a coherent answer to Lucille's legitimate questioning. The girl bit her lip to block the sobs from the depths of her throat.  
  
"I don't know... When I do that it's... It's not the girl or the guy who matters... In fact, I do that because I don't know them."  
Lucille raised her eyebrows and looked at him.  
"I don't really know them and I don't care to know them. You're the one who I care about and that's enough for me.  
-It doesn't make any sense.” Lucille hissed, shaking her head skeptically.  
"Yes," Elliott replied, feeling a little more confident as he understood better and better his own feelings as he tried to explain them to Lucille. "When I'm with you I'm scared. Afraid of hurting you, afraid to screw up, afraid of not being up to it. I'm scared all the time. With others, I don't care about all that. Not only because I don't know them but because I don't have the time to hurt them because it never lasts." 

__  
  


__Lucille breathed deeply. She could understand what Eliott felt. She too was always afraid of not being up to the young man, she also feared constantly to disappoint him. However, another question grew up in her mind. Feeling her cheeks flushing, she stared at her feet again.  
  
"And... Is it better with them?"  
Understanding exactly what Lucille meant by these words, Eliott gently grabbed her hands.  
"No, not at all. You know..." She looked up and stared into his eyes. "I love being with you, being... ___in__ ___you and... All that. With others it's just fucking. It's not important, I swear."  
  
Looking for the slightest mark of doubt in his beautiful eyes, Lucille spoke again in a broken voice.  
"I see... But you know, if... Well, if you miss something and want to leave me, I...  
-No!” Eliott cut her short and gently stroked her cheeks with his long fingers. "No, I don't want to break up with you, not at all."  
The girl smiled, reassured.  
"On the other hand, you would have every reason to leave me.” Eliott added, biting his lip.  
"It's not what I want either.” Lucille whispered, putting her hands on his shoulders.  
  
Lucille buried her face in Eliott's neck, slowly breathing his fresh clean smell. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, enjoying the moment. The young man hugged her tightly, his nose in her thick hair.  
  
"I'm sorry..." He whispered.  
"I love you Eliott." 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hard time for Lucille AND Eliott...   
> I'm afraid it's not the end of their struggles but hey, once again, we all know the end of the story right ? ;)


	18. Summer break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I'm soooo late ! Sorry !  
> I'll be in holidays in few days, I'll post more regulary... ;)

 

_ **Summer break**  
_July 17 2018, 10:10 pm_ _

 

_ _

____From December 2017, Eliott had became more and more distant by the day. Involved in many activities, he didn't spend much time at home and was overflowing with inspiration and creativity. At the community center, where he spent much of his free time, the young man had met people who quickly became good friends. Lucille had never met these guys. If she felt frustrated and even a bit anxious at this idea, she tried for months to make nothing appear to Eliott. After all, she had to respect the intimacy and privacy of her boyfriend... And then, as long as he was happy, there was nothing to worry about. However, in early June, the young man had entered a manic crisis. From what Lucille could understand, his mind state had taken him to do things, with his new friends, which he had immediately regretted. Then followed a violent friendly break-up which then plunged him into a deep depressive crisis. Unable to find the strength to get out of his room, he had been unable to get to the bac exams. From then on, it was decided that Eliott would repeat his third year in order to get the bac in 2019. Lucille, despite her anxiety for Eliott's state of health, had graduated with honors.  
  
Following this disastrous end of the school year, Eliott's parents had suggested to him and Lucille, to spend a week, just the two of them, in their small family home. If Eliott, coming out of his depressive crisis but still very bruised by the loss of his friends, had initially appeared reluctant to this idea, Mr. and Mrs. Demaury had finally convinced him, arguing that these few days spent away from Paris could be a great reliese for him.  
  
The house, an old mill renovated in a country and rustic style, was in the countryside of Seine-et-Marne, just an hour from the capital. Taking advantage of the July sun and the slow pace of holidays, the two teenagers slept very late, went to long lazy walks and took time to read a lot near the water.  
  
One evening, a small ball was organised on the square of the village near by. The couple, more used to Parisian parties than to provincial balls, thought anyway that it would probably be nice to go there. After eating, Lucille had a quick shower before going out. Busy to dry her wet body, she heard voices from the living room. 

__  
  


____"Good evening, Madame Ciroteau.  
-Oh Eliott! My God, you grew up! I passed right in front of the house, I thought to see your parents there. You're here for the holidays?"  
Lucille recognised the cheerful voice of an old lady. Perhaps she was a neighbor or a friend of the family.  
"Just a week with my girlfriend.” Eliott replied.  
"Oh. Very well, very well! You come under the chestnut trees? There is a small music band.  
-Yes, yes, we will be there in a few minutes. We're getting ready."  
  
A small smile bloomed on Lucille's lips. It was silly but she liked when Eliott used that small "we". "We're getting ready"... In fact, he was already ready to leave, he was only waiting for Lucille. But he still said, "We're getting ready". This simple "we" was everything for the girl. Her pride and her hopes. Despite everything, despite the cheatings, the tensions, the doubts, Eliott and she remained a "we".  
  
"We can go together if you want.” The old lady said.  
"Oh, Lucille, my girlfriend, isn't quite ready yet and..."  
  
Lucille knocked on the door of the bathroom.  
"Eliott!” She called.  
"Yeah?  
-You can leave, I'll join you later, I won't be long.  
-You're sure?  
-Yes, yes, go ahead.  
-Ok, see you later.  
-See you!"  
  
The young woman liked the idea that Eliott could talk to other people, even if it just was this old woman. Lucille imagined her lover walking alongside the old lady, in great conversation about the family, her jams or his childhood memories. This very simple and sweet moment, could maybe help him to forget the struggles of the last months.  
  
Once totally dry, Lucille slipped on simple white cotton underwear and opened one of the cupboards where she had put all her clothes. After a few seconds of hesitation, she chose a little floral dress that her mother had given her a few weeks before. The young woman looked at herself in the mirror. The yellow dress was short, about mid thigh. Her breast was highlighted by a small cord coming to close the cleavage. The silky texture on her skin was a very nice feeling.  
Leaning a little more towards the mirror, she untied her thick brown hair, she put a thin layer of mascara on her eyelashes and colored her lips with a discreet pink lipstick. Leaving the bathroom, she put on her thin leather sandals, grabbed her purse and left to join Eliott.  
  
The village square was delimited by a dozen impressive chestnut trees, extending their shades to its center. In a corner, a small wooden platform had been installed to accommodate the musicians. An accordion, a guitar, drums and a small keyboard played old standards of french variety and musette. Seated at old iron tables or around the bar, young and old people laughed and talked together. In the small space separating the platform from the first tables, very young children danced and ran after each other. Small colored bulbs hanged on trees lighted the faces of a soft dim light.

__  
  


____Lucille stopped for a moment. A nice atmosphere was floating in the air, some way old-fashioned and at the same time out of time. The young woman had the impression of diving into a pre-war film, as if modern life, its computers, its stress and its pollution had never been in this place. Smiling, she walked towards the bar.  
  
Walking in the direction of Eliott, Lucille felt some men's stares on her. The young woman knew it well, her body looked good in this dress, it emphasised her firm breasts and her thin legs. Despite all these looks, she only had eyes for Eliott. The latter, precisely, leaning on the bar in conversation with his counter-neighbors, had turned around and was staring at her. Lucille smiled and kissed him on his cheek, leaving a small mark of lipstick that she delicately cleaned with her thumb.  
  
After that Eliott introduced her to the people at his side, friends of the Demaury family, the couple spent a long time talking about nothing and everything with them over a few glasses of red wine.  
  
Night had fallen completely when Eliott took Lucille's hands and showed her the small space in front of the platform where the children were still playing on the accordion rhythms.  
"You coming?” He whispered in a smile.  
Lucille turned to the small stage.  
"But... Nobody's dancing..." She replied blushing.  
"Who cares?" He laughed, dragging her to the front of the stage.  
  
They started to dance. One hand of Eliott resting on her waist, the other in her left hand, Lucille was at first embarrassed to expose herself in this way. Then, seconds flying by, her body relaxed. She focused on the accordion and piano sounds, and Eliott's face lit by the multicolored garlands. Only these sounds and that sight mattered at the moment.The young man closed his eyes. Lucille rested her head against his chest, feeling his heart beat close to her ear.  
  
"You know... Sometimes I wonder why it's so complicated.” Whispered the young man close to her hair, between the notes of the band.  
The girl pulled slightly away and stared into his blue-grey eyes.  
"What's complicated?” She asked him.  
"Well... to feel as good as I feel now, not to be hurt, not to screw everything. To be happy just like that, right now. I wish this moment could lasts forever..."  
Lucille smiled, sighed and rested her head against him.  
"I think we're learning step by step..." she whispered, squeezing him a little harder.  
Hugging her back, putting his arms around her, Eliott gently put his chin on her head.  
"Do you think we'll ever be able to be happy all the time?  
-Yes. Yes I do."  
  
Lucille closed her eyes, letting herself be lulled by the melodies of the band, the laughter of the children, the smell of the blossom chestnut trees and the warmth of Eliott's body dancing against her. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... Feeling a bit emotive right now. This kind of atmosphere reminds me my home small village sooo hard !  
> Anyway ! I couldn't help to add a last fluffy chapter Eliott/Lucille. But... It feels bittersweet isn't it ?  
> Of course it is, we know that their love story won't end well but hey, they can be happy anyway !  
> Next chapter (which I'll post very soon, promise) takes place on January 7th 2019... You know that day right ? ;)


	19. Come back to school

 

 

_**Come-back to school**  
_January 7 2019, 18:04_ _

 

 

 _ _While Lucille had joined the Litterature University in September, Eliott came back to the same high school as his last three years. Unfortunately, finding himself alone in this building he knew by heart only had the effect of sinking the young man's mood to the lowest. As the months passed, his absenteeism became more and more important. Seeing no interest in school anymore, Eliott no longer did his homework and was aggressive towards teachers and students. At the end of November he asked his parents, as a last resort, to change of high school. Mr. and Mrs. Demaury thought about it seriously for several days. Finally, joining their son on the idea that a change of environment could only do him good, they accepted. Thus, Eliott joined the_ _ _Lycée Dorian__ _on January 7 2019.  
  
On the morning of his first day, Eliott hadn't let go of Lucille's hand for one second. Stressed, he dreaded not to feeling good in this new high school. If he had been craving for this radical change, confronting reality was far more difficult than he had imagined so far.  
  
"Don't leave..." He begged in Lucille's ear.  
"I have to go, I have a very important class, I can't miss it. And you'll have to go soon too.” Lucille replied in a calm an encouraging voice.  
  
The couple was alone in Eliott's apartment. Mrs. Demaury had insisted to stay with her son but he had refused. He had put himself alone in this situation, he had to assume alone. And then there was Lucille. She who had always been there in the most difficult moments of past years was once again at his side at that time. She listened to him, reassured him.  
  
"No, but... Imagine... Getting to a new school in the middle of the year like this, a few months from the bac, everybody'll think I'm a moron...” Eliott said in a voice tinged with anxiety, his hands gripping Lucille's as a shipwrecked lifebuoy.  
"Eliott...  
-I'll look like a jerk, I'll be left behind in all classes.  
-Eliott...  
-_ _ _Putain___ , I swear, I'm too stupid, I screw everything up.   
-Eliott, stop, listen to me.” Lucille cut him off with authority, grabbing his face between her two pretty hands. "Everything will be alright.” She claimed, staring in his green-blue-grey eyes.  
"How can you be so sure?"  
Lucille smiled.  
"Because of your super power.” She replied in a confident voice.  
The young man raised cautious eyebrows.  
"What?  
-Your super power. The one which makes all the people you meet falling in love with you."  
Eliott, for the first time in the morning, smiled and shrugged.  
"Rubbish...  
-Eliott, seriously.” Lucille said in a more serious tone. "I'm sure it'll be okay. You'll meet nice people, this high school will please you and you'll have good grades.” She gently stroked his cheekbones with the tips of her thumbs. "And if you don't like it, well that's not the end of the world... You're there to pass the bac, that's all.” Wanting to give him as much force as possible, she gently kissed the corner of his mouth, she shifted slightly and put the collar of his brown bomber back in place.

__  
"Thank you.” Eliott whispered. He leaned over and took the girl in his arms. Suddenly he was no longer the tall, handsome young man over 10cm taller than the young girl, but rather a child. A very small child terrorised by a brand new world still unknown reassuring himself in the comforting arms of his mother. _ _

  


__The two lovers cuddled for a long time. At the end of a time much too short to the taste of both, Lucille sighed and took a step back.  
  
"I have to go.” She said before putting her lips on Eliott's. "Good luck and if anything bad happens, you call me, right?” She added, her face still close to his.  
"Right." He sighed.  
"6pm, on the bench? You'll tell me everything!” She said, finally finding the strength to get away from her lover.  
"That works for me, 6 pm on the bench.  
-See you later!” Lucille gave him an encouraging nod, closed the door on her and walked to the university.  
  
  
That evening, leaving the amphitheater first, Lucille hurried on, eager to get back to her Eliott.  
On the square, she saw the young man sitting on the bench __w_ _ith a far-away look in his eyes_ _,__ visibly in his own little world. She came closer and sat next to him without him noticing her presence. She looked at him a little closer. He hadn't called her, nor had he sent her any text. She didn't know if his first day in this new high school had gone well or not. Be that as it may, the young man seemed too lost in his own mind to notice her being close to him.  
  
"So? Tell me!" She said.  
Eliott, surprised in his thoughts, turned in her direction.  
"Ah, here you are.” He stretched his long arms and put one on the shoulders of the girl without saying anything more.  
"Well, spit it out! How was your day?” Lucille insisted impatiently.  
"Fine, fine.” He replied absently.  
"Teachers, are they nice?  
-Nice.  
-You didn't feel too bad to not knowing anyone?  
-No, it's ok."  
Silence fell again. Intrigued by the lack of words of her boyfriend, Lucille spoke again.  
"That's all you have to say?” She asked without hiding her astonishment.  
"Well uh... Yeah, I mean... I don't know what else to say to you.” Eliott replied with a smile. "People look nice. Really nice... " He added, looking away, a small sparkle shining in his clear eyes.  
  
Although frustrated with the few details she had managed to get from Eliott, Lucille decided to bear with it.  
  
"So... are you happy?  
-Yes, very happy."  
  
If Eliott was happy, Lucille was happy too, once again.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAAAY Lucas' time !!  
> Well... okay, for now, it's very... "understated" but you know the next parts of the story right ? :D  
> Buuuut... Don't forget that it's Lucille's pov so it wont be very fluffy fluffy of course but... Don't want to say more !  
> Thanks for the new kudos, it means the world to me, really.


	20. Different concerns

 

**_ Different concerns _ **

**_ _ **

_ Friday January 25, 2019, 7:30 pm _

 

_It had been two hours since Lucille had been working on an essay that her professor of comparative literature had asked three weeks before. This work was about the study of two novels;_ _ _Le meilleur des mondes__ _by Aldous Huxley and_ _ _La planète des singes__ __by Pierre Boulle. Lucille had to discuss about the theory of evolution through these two books. She had to give her essay to the teacher the following week and she had only been able to produce a vague idea of a wobbly plan. Her brain boiling, she was lost among all her drafts.  
  
In the living room she heard her mother's voice and Eliott's voice. Lucille didn't leave her desk, too busy to worry about going to greet her boyfriend who, anyway, since the time they were together, was at her home like at his.  
After a few minutes the young man came into her room. He had a big smile on his face and seemed to feel very very good. Great for him. He put his bag down, approached Lucille and placed a small kiss on her hair.  
  
"What are you doing?” He asked, leaning over the many drafts on the young woman's desk.  
"I'm trying to finish, well no, to start, this fucking essay..."  
-What's the subject?”   
  
Lucille, disturbed in her laborious thoughts, replied by automatism, without bothering to raise her face or even to make her point clear.  
"The evolutionary imaginarium through Boulle and Huxley."  
Eliott blew.  
"Well... Good luck..." he said, falling on the young woman's bed.  
  
A few minutes flew by in a deep silence. Lucille, focused in her work, didn't mind what Eliott could do behind her back. As long as he didn't stop her in her work, he could stay there doing nothing...  
  
"I had a great day at the school.” He declared without warning, breaking the studious silence that had just invaded the room.  
Lucille having barely heard him, didn't reply and scribbled new notes on a paper.  
"There are girls who want to create a common room, it's super cool.” He smiled, obviously lost in his own mind. "Don't you want to take a break?  
-I don't have time, I'm very late.  
-Just five minutes, it'll help you to be more focused for later.  
-No, I can't really.  
-Okay..."  
  
Then the young man lay down on the bed, his laughing and pensive eyes fixed on the ceiling. 

  
  


__The silence fell but was quickly and again broken by Eliott's voice.  
"I went to the meeting, it was nice."  
Lucille clenched her jaw, the young man didn't seem to want to keep quiet.  
"It was fun. A bit... Weird tho. They gave us a survey."  
The young woman frowned, didn't he understand that she had something else to think about than his high school day?  
"Then at the bus stop, I chatted with a guy."  
Lucille leaned a little more on her papers.  
"Really nice. His name's Lucas I think. This is the first person I really talk to. There was a girl too, Chloé."  
The student squeezed the pen she held in her left hand and twitched.  
"He looks like a good guy, you know, I think we..."  
  
Lucille exploded, she threw her pen on the desk and turned sharply to the young man.  
"Eliott. I don't have time to discuss right now!” She exclaimed nervously, her angry eyes in Eliott's.  
"You don't have time to work either. Look at you, you can't focus properly, you need a break.” He replied in a calm voice.  
"Look, I'm big enough to know what I need, thank you. And now, I must write that fucking essay.  
-I'm just trying to help you.  
-Yeah? Well I don't need your help, thank you very much."  
  
Lucille turned back to her desk and went back to her notes. Behind her, Eliott was silent and the young woman didn't try to know what he could think, it didn't matter to her.  
  
"Ok, so in fact, you don't really care how my day went."  
Lucille clenched her teeth and frowned.  
"Not at all but this is not the good time.” She answered without looking up from her papers.  
"Right. I understand... Now that you're in college, you don't care about my little high school student stories..." Kept going Eliott in a bitter voice.  
At these words, the young woman freezed.  
"I didn't say that at all.  
-But you thought it so loud."  
Eliott's eyes flashed now, and his whole face was growing angry.  
"Well, Eliott.” Lucille started, deciding to put an end to this fight that would surely not lead them anywhere. "I think we should talk about it later because now, once again, I have work to do.” Her voice was cold.  
"Oh sorry, you're so busy..." He pretended to apologize in a sneering tone.  
"Very mature of you. You can go home, I won't hold you back.  
-Ok. Bye."  
  
Eliott got up quickly, grabbed his bag and stormed out of the room. Lucille, far from being frightened or impressed by this argument, which in the end was not very important, was finally able to focus on her work. They would meet again the next day, excuse each other and everything would be settled, it wasn't a big deal.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry ! I was late again ! But from now on, I'm on holidays !! So i'll try to post more... :)  
> So ! ELU's first talk at bus stop... Serious things can start... ^^


	21. Birthday

 

__

 

**_Birthday_ **

_Friday February 3, 2019, 19:46_

 

 __  
  
February 3 was Lucille's birthday. That year, the girl blew her 19 candles. In her room, facing her small mirror, she was putting on makeup. A thin layer of foundation, not much. A bit of mascara, some blush, a discreet lipstick.  
  
A few days before, Charlotte had proposed to the girl to spend the evening of her birthday with her and two others of their friends. A barhopping, this offer was indeed tempting. Then, after that, Eliott had proposed his own offer. A drink together, just the both of them, followed by a restaurant and a whole night spent with him, as it had not happened to them for ages. Without thinking twice, Lucille had accepted the Eliott's offer, declining Charlotte's one.  
For weeks, maybe even months, Lucille and Eliott's relationship was more than strained. Not spending three days in a row without arguing. Every subject and every talk was transformed into an occasion to fight. The reproaches multiplying, resentments of all kinds were born.  
  
So, when Eliott suggested that they could spend her birthday just the two of them, Lucille saw in this evening, the perfect opportunity to get their sweet love back. Few hours just for them, forgetting the world around them, plunging back into their childish innocence, finding again their laughter and their pleasures. The girl looked forward to it.  
  
Eliott had told her that he would pick her up at 7:15 pm. It was 7:30 pm now and he was still not there. Lucille was pacing up and down the living room hearing her mother's taunts.  
"How long have you been together already? I can't remember..." she had asked her, laughing from the sofa where she had settled a few minutes ago.  
"More than 4 years.” Replied Lucille, rolling her eyes, grabbing her mother's smirk.  
"And yet, look at you... Nervous as for a first date! Unless you don't wait for Eliott but for another boy...  
-As if! Come on, seriously Mom, it's been a lifetime that we haven't been able to spend time just the two of us, plus we do nothing but fighting about stupid things for the last few weeks... So I hope that this evening will go smooth, that's all.  
"Ievery thing's gonna be alright, I'm sure.  
"Yeah..." Lucille replied. "Damn! What is he doing?!” She complained, looking at the dial of her watch again before sitting on one of the wooden chairs in the living room.  
"He'll be there soon, he must be busy..." Huffed her mother, trying not to pay too much attention to her daughter's excessive nervousness.  
  
A quarter of an hour later, it was 7:45 pm and Lucille, more restless than ever, took her phone and composed a message to Eliott.  
  
Eli? What are you doing?  
  
The long-awaited reply from the young man arrived a few minutes later.  
  
Sorry, sorry! I really had to finish something for school. But it's done now! Let's meet in the street in 5?  
  
Okay.  
  
"I gonna meet him downstairs.” Lucille said playfully as she got up from the chair before standing in front of a small mirror hanging on the living room wall. There, seeing her reflection, she blew. She had gone to the hairdresser the day before and she was having a hard time to get used to this new haircut much shorter than usual.  
Hearing her grumble, her mother looked up at her.

"You're very beautiful sweety.” She assured her with a smile.

"Thanks Mom.

-Now go, he'll wait for you.

-Bye, see you tomorrow."

Lucille leaned on the couch and kissed her mother on the cheek.

"Have a good evening, sweetheart, have fun.”

  


In the staircase, Lucille, couldn't wait to find her boyfriend, hurried her steps. No sooner had she come downstairs than she saw him pass the door of his building. When he saw her, he smiled at her with one of his smiles. A solar smile that he seemed to reserve only for people he cared. He walked towards her, looking playful, put his hands on her cheeks and kissed her lips.  
  
"Let's go?” He asked, his gaze full of tiny sparks crackling in the depths of his blue-grey irises.  
"Let's go..." Answered Lucille, pleased to see the joy that Eliott seemed to feel at the idea of spending this evening with her.  
As usual, Eliott put an arm on her shoulders, she put an arm around his waist then they started to walk on their way at the same pace.  
  
Walking in the Parisian night, cuddled against her lover's body, Lucille smelt the scent of the young man's clothes. The smell of cannabis smoke. He had smoked a short time ago, it was undeniable. Swallowing her reproaches and worries, the girl forced herself to keep quiet, not wanting to ruin this sweet evening. In spite of all, her whole body stiffened and Eliott, who knew her so well, felt this mood change. He stopped, pulled away from her and turned to face her, his puffy eyes in hers.  
  
"What's wrong?” He asked.  
"Nothing, really.” Lucille tried to convince him.  
"Come on, go ahead, speak, ask your question.” The young man's tone was not aggressive, only very selfassure.  
"You've smoked.” The girl said.

"Yes I had. Well done Sherlock.  
-Eliott, that's stupid, you're going to ruin all your efforts, do you...  
-Yes, I take my meds and yes, I smoked one or two joints, it won't kill me.  
-Eliott...  
-Just stop. I want to spend a good evening with you. So either you decide to stop playing the nurse or you can go back home."  
  
Unlike the usual, the young man didn't get angry. His tone was calm although firm, he kept a small smile on his lips. Obviously, he was in an excellent mood and even Lucille's blames didn't seem to affect him more than necessary. The girl, although worried about her boyfriend's lifestyle, smiled.  
  
"Ok, I stop.” She put her arm around his waist and the couple started to walk again. "You seem very happy, it's good to see...

-The school is going really well, I met some... Great people.” He replied with a smile. "And it's your birthday, so yeah I'm happy... Very happy.” He added dreamily.

  


Lucille blew, letting her bad thoughts disepearing intp Eliott's soft assurance.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ! :)  
> I must admit that I'm not very satisfied with this chapter. The episode is such a special one ! Piano scene, flirty hair gesture, dubstep...  
> But how could I talk about all that with Lucille's pov ? I couldn't so... Here it is !  
> Next part is... Oh yes ! Lucas & Lucille's first meeting ! ;)  
> have a very good day !


	22. Time travel

 

 

_**Time travel**  
_Friday February 8th, 9:41 pm_ _

 

 

Hand in hand, Eliott and Lucille walked in the Parisian night. The couple went to _Lycée Dorian_ , where a secret party was held inside the common room. The young man had to insist to Lucille to come with him. The young woman wasn't really eager. As the mid-year exams approached, spending a night dancing with high school students whom she didn't even know, was feeling, for her, slightly like a waste of precious time. But, as usual, Eliott had been convincing.  
  
Discreetly, they get into the highschool, walked a few meters and got to a room full of laughter and electronic sounds. Eliott was visibly nervous but Lucille didn't understand why. Perhaps he was freaking out to spend the first party with his classmates? Perhaps he was anxious to please everybody in that party? Anyway, the young man remained silent and dragged Lucille inside.  
  
The _foyer_ was way too narrow to comfortably accommodate the amount of teenagers dancing and jumping to the rhythms of the large speakers settled at the four corners of the room. The atmosphere was saturated with smoke and alcohol vapors. Lucille turned and looked up at Eliott. The latter was watching the whole crowd. Obviously he was looking for something or someone in particular. When he seemed to find it/him/her, he walked across the crowd with quick steps. To keep from getting lost, Eliott put an arm on Lucille's shoulders. They made their way through the dancers until the young man slowed down and stopped.  
  
In front of them were standing two teenagers. The girl looked young, very young. She had beautiful dark hair tied in a pretty french braid and was smiling with a bright white smile. Lucille smiled at her politely. Eliott, not giving her much attention, had preferred to focus his attention on the young man by her side. Following his gaze, Lucille's eyes lingered on him.  
He wasn't tall, was even a little smaller than Lucille. His hair was a big mess and seemed to defy the laws of gravity. Just like Eliott's , thought the young woman. His body was thin and nervous, although he wasn't quite the type of guy Lucille used to liked, he had a _je ne sais quoi_ that made him very attractive. Something in him attracted the eyes and the sympathy. Despite the darkness of the room, his deep blue eyes stood out from all the rest. Unlike the girl, that Lucille guessed was his girlfriend, he wasn't smiling. On the contrary, he seemed to be suspicious about Eliott, he looked at him as if he was frightened and at the same time... Nervous. Had something happened between the two young men? An argument, a misunderstanding? Eliott had never told her about something like that.

  


"Hey _mec_ ”. Eliott said. Despite the mask on his face, Lucille could tell by his voice that the young man was smiling.  
"Hi Eliott.” Replied the girl, not caring that Eliott's greeting wasn't directly addressed to her.  
The slender young man still didn't smile and was still staring at Eliott.  
"Hi, I'm Chloé.” The young girl introduced herself in a pretty smile as she turned to Lucille.  
"Lucille." Just answered the young woman.  
  
The scene was strange to Lucille, as if she lacked many explanations to understand everything that was happening between them four. The two boys stared at each other. The two young girls seemed outside, way off their concerns. The tension was heavy and Lucille wondered if it wasn't better for them to move away, as the animosity between the two boys grew from second to second.  
Yet the boy finally spoke.  
"Hi.” He simply replied, his eyes still focused on Eliott.

Answering absolutely nothing, Eliott took Lucille's hand in his own, and walked away from the couple.  
  
Lucille didn't understand anything. At first, he had seemed to look for this boy in the crowd, he had found him, get to him and waited for him to say his first word to finally getting away from him? It didn't make sense.  
  
Eliott began to dance frantically, a broad smile on his lips. Lucille looked at him for a moment then let the music invade her body. A song, two songs. As before, when they were still at high school, Lucille danced, jumped, laughed, forgetting everything else. The young woman was having fun like she hadn't for a long time. Nothing else mattered anymore except her body and Eliott's, moving at the same pace.  
Then, without her expecting it, the young man slowed down. He came closer to her and instinctively Lucille stopped jumping in her turn. Eliott stared at her with dark eyes. He didn't lean over. Without really ever saying it out loud, Lucille worshiped when the young man did so. Usually, to look at her, to kiss her, he leaned forward, putting himself at her height to express all his tenderness. There, it wasn't that. His gestures weren't sweet or tender. It was all about pure attraction, arousal. Staring her body from the feet to the head, he seemed to tell her that he wanted her but that it was up to her to reach his mouth. A shiver ran down Lucille's spine. It had been a long time since the young woman hadn't wanted him so hard.  
They slowly moved their bodies together, coming closer of each other. Their lips searched and found each other. In contrast to electronic beats, their bodies started to dance to their own music. Hands on the young woman's hips, Eliott dragged her against his tensed torso and let his tongue slip into her mouth. Sighing, Lucille put her hands on his nape and closed her eyes. Eliott was hers, only hers, how could it be otherwise in such a passionate kiss? Eyes still closed, she enjoyed the taste of his tongue in her mouth. Mint, beer and cigarette. Short breathing , flushed cheeks, the young woman buried a hand in the hair of the young man. His body was like a drug to her, the more she kissed him the more she wanted him, his mouth, his tongue, his skin. Everything, she wanted everything from him, getting lost in his body like...

  


Suddenly, silence. The music shut down, the cold neon lights replaced the multicolored flashes. Lucille opened her eyes and looked at Eliott, who didn't seem to have closed his own at all. The couple tensed abruptly, looking all around them to try to put words on this sudden mood change. A blond girl appeared in the crowd, she looked in panick.  
  
"Code red! I repeat: code red! This is not a drill!” She exclaimed before other teenage girls clarified her words. "So get a move on! The watchman's here, dammit!" “Every man for himself!” "Yeah! Let's go!"

  
Everybody rushed to the door. Without further ado, Eliott grabbed Lucille's hand and led her towards the courtyard. Once outside, the young woman ran as fast as possible. If there was one person who shouldn't be caught by the watchman, it was her: A girl over the age of majority, not even enrolled in the school, it was much more risky for her than for any of the other teens. Eliott dropped her hand to allowed them to run faster. They ran a long time. Lucille was in front, thinking the young man on her heels. She slowed down only a few minutes later, getting in a deserted street and no longer hearing any noise around her. She turned around, Eliott was no longer here. Hands on her knees, struggling to catch her breath, she walked back in the previous streets but didn't see anybody.  
  
Where was he? The young woman grabbed her phone in her jeans. The young man didn't answer to the call, she left a message.  
_"Yeah... Eliott it's me... Well... Call me back as soon as you can... I hope you're okay..."_  
  
Without any news from her boyfriend, Lucille came back to her place alone, her phone in her hand, waiting for some news that didn't come until much later in the night while she was already asleep in her bed.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, I hope you liked this chapter... I have much more kudos since Lucas arrived, I'm not surprised at all ! :P  
> But you know, you really can talk to me, just a small message, a ridiculously tiny review can make my whole day. :P  
> Thank you Amanda for stayin' there always, thank you thank you !  
> Anyway...  
> Next chapter... Well... Are you ready for a double date ? ;)


	23. Double date

 

 

_**Double date**  
_Friday February 15 2019, 7:30 pm_ _

 

 

"A double date???"  
Eliott and Lucille were settled on a terrace of café artificially heated by large scarlet radiators, they were drinking two espressos while smoking cigarettes.  
"Yeah. At home tomorrow night, what do you think?  
-Wait, wait ... A "double date", seriously?"  
The young woman could not help but joke about Eliott's proposition for their friday night. Since when did he liked such things as "double dates"? He who had always made fun of cute couple activities he considered "clichés" or too cheesy, he who always preferred the company of his best friends rather people he barely knew... Now he was proposing to Lucille a double date with people he had only known for a few weeks.  
  
"Yeah, a double date.  
-Like... Like in “How I met”? Will there be some gouda and will we play mimes?"  
Now Lucille laughed frankly, openly making fun of Eliott's proposal. The latter, on the other hand, didn't seem to share the Lucille's good mood. He frowned.  
  
"Well... Then?"  
Lucille didn't understand why the young man was so serious. The two young people had always used to make fun of each other, their two senses of humor working mainly arond irony and sarcasm. And since when didn't he laugh to a reference to How I met your mother, the famous sitcom they had watched together at least a dozen times?  
  
"Anyway... uh... yes, why not!” Lucille answered, clearing her throat, swallowing another burst of laughter.  
“Ok great, I'll send a text to Lucas to say it's ok.

-Lucas?

-Yeah, you know, the guy we saw at the high school party last week.  
-Ah yes. And what's her name?

-What?

-Lucas' girlfriend. Eliott, as you said, it's a double date, Lucas won't come alone.  
-Ah yes yes! Chloé.  
-Oh yes, that's it, I couldn't remember her name.”  
  
Eliott didn't say anything anymore, wearing a somewhat glazed expression, his long fingers wiggling his spoon in his coffee. Lucille tugged on her cigarette and blew a big cloud of gray smoke over their heads.

  


Lucille got at Eliott's apartment around 6pm. The young man was in a very very bad mood without Lucille understanding why. He didn't seem very happy towards the evening with Lucas and Chloé... Yet he had told her very nice things about them, especially about Lucas. Dragging his feet around the apartment, opening his mouth only to complain of insignificant details, Eliott seemed already weary of the evening they didn't even spend yet.  
While Lucille was busy pouring some crisps into a bowl, Eliott got into the kitchen and seemed to look for something he didn't find immediately.  
"Where are the fucking towels in this house..." he mumbled.  
The young woman looked at him and sighed deeply. The bad mood of her boyfriend began to annoy her slightly.  
  
"Ok... What's the problem?” She asked abruptly.

"Nothing.” He replied firmly.

"I can see there's something wrong.

-You're so clever.” The young man leered at her.

"Aren't you happy that your friend and his girlfriend spend the evening here?"

Eliott said nothing, shrugging his shoulders.

"What's bothering you?

-Nothing at all...

-Did something happen with Lucas? It's Chloe? You don't like her?

-No.

-Eliott, talk to me.

-Forget it!

-But if you...

-Well! You know what Lucille? This is you who breaking my balls right now!” Retorted Eliott with dark eyes full of anger.  
  
Immediately, the young woman clenched her jaw, put the bowl on the table and stood up to face Eliott.

"Oh really?” She retorted in a threatening voice.

"If I tell you it's okay, it means it's okay, for fuck's sake!

-Excuse me to worry about what you can think or what you can feel!” Lucille replied.

"If I don't want to talk stop asking me stupid questions!

-Ah yes?! So I should let you mope without doing anything?!"

Things got heated, the two young people looking at each other with eyes full of anger.

"You know what? I never asked anything from you."  
  
Eliott's sharp words were followed by a heavy silence. For months, fights had multiplied between them. These last words, obviously, didn't refer only to this particular fight of tonight but extended to their whole relationship. Eliott didn't ask her anything? Lucille frowned. She didn't feel hurt but furious.  
  
"You never asked anything?

-No.

-Right... But fortunately I'm not waiting for you to ask! You never say anything! I must always deduce what you need! If you need time, loneliness, affection... I'm forced to think everything alone, you don't help me at all, you'reso self-centered!

-I don't fucking need you Lucille! I do not need you doing all this, I do not need you to guess all what I can think!"

Eliott's muscles were tense.

  


"You're so selfish... I'm doing everything to help you, to support you, I'd do everything to make you feel good, to make you happy. Since five years, five fucking long years, I always think about you before thinking about myself!”

  


Silence fell again between the both of them. Then, Eliott sighed and talked again in a quieter way than few seconds sooner.

  


"Just... I guess I'm fed up with that... Everything you do, it's... It's freaking me out, it's too much. And... Once again... I never asked anything from you."  
Eliott's gaze was harsh. More than his words, Lucille didn't like the way he looked at her. His eyes were cold and hard as stone. Before bursting, either in rage or in tears, the young woman preferred to leave the small kitchen.  
"You know what? I think we should stop there, if we keep fighting we're gonna be ridiculous in front of your friends.” She said, passing by her boyfriend. He didn't answer but shrugged again.  
  
Lucas and Chloé arrived around 7pm, their arms loaded with beers and crisps. Naturally, they sat side by side on the couch, leaving Eliott and Lucille to sit on the two chairs on the other side of the table. If Lucille tried to keep a neutral attitude, it was obviously not the same for Eliott. The latter seemed to make no effort to hide his bad mood. Silently annoyed, Lucille looked at him for a long moment. To her surprise, he didn't only seem to be mad at her, but also seemed to be angry with Chloé. The young man hardly ever spoke to her and bore an air of terrible boredom when she talked to him. Besides, he didn't even bother to look at her.  
  
Trying to understand Eliott's animosity towards Chloé, Lucille focused on the young girl. Alright, she was talking a lot. Too much maybe. But was that enough reason to be so aggressive towards her? No, there must have been something else.  
However that may be, Chloe didn't notice Eliott's angry attitude towards her. She was happy, obviously glad to share this evening with them. Lighthearted, she bounced on every word, asked questions and often laughed. Lucas was more reserved than his girlfriend. Everything in him sweated embarrassment. He didn't talk much, just answering to Chloé's numerous invectives with mere “yes” or “no”. Lucas, unlike his girlfriend, like Lucille, seemed to be aware of Eliott's bad mood. He wasn't fooled, that was for sure. His eyes stared at his beer, his hands or his feet, he was fleeing the insistent look of Eliott on him. As if he was embarrassed, almost frightened by the young man's attention.  
Lucille didn't understand what was happening and it was driving her crazy. What had happened between the three young people so that the atmosphere was so full of tensions?  
  
Only Lucille seemed to pay a minimum of attention to what Chloe could tell, the two boys being too much absorbed in their own thoughts. While the girl was enthusiastic about her passion for tv shows, Lucille spoke.  
"You're really mature for your age, meuf."  
Of course, the young woman didn't think a word of what she'd just said. Chloé, was still very immature and rather naive but it wasn't unpleasant. Lucille hoped for a moment that this compliment, even if it wasn't really honest, could relax the tense atmosphere between the four of them.  
  
"Yep, it's because I'm dating an older guy.” Chloe answered, wrapping her arms around Lucas's neck. Lucille smiled as she looked at them. The girl was in love, it was obvious. Lucas, on the other hand, appeared more than ever silent. Perhaps he wasn't a bif fan of public displays of affection? His cheeks were flushed and he bit his lips.

"You two are the same age, right?” Chloe asked. Eliott glared at her.

"Yes, but Eliott failed to graduate last year. "

Eliott was staring at Lucille now. The young woman could feel his anger flying from his eyes to her but she didn't mind. If he had the right to be nasty, so had she.

  


"Oh shit ! How so?” Chloé was interested in an ingenuous way. How could that girl be so out of touch with the bad atmosphere around them, Lucille wondered.  
"I didn't take the exams.” Eliott answered coldly. A short and yet very heavy silence fell on thm. The discomfort was obvious. It was finally Eliott who put an end to it. "Can we talk about something else?” He said to Lucille, a tone of blame in his voice.  
Very used to his temper swings, the young woman needed more to feel unsttled.  
  
Eliott put his empty beer bottle on the table and immediately opened a new one. Seeing this, Lucille's concerns took a different turn. He drank fast and a lot, it was too much for him. If the young woman was angry with him, she couldn't stop her usual worry from invading her mind. Whatever he said to her, whatever he did to her, whether he liked it or not, he remained vulnerable.  
  
"Maybe you've had enough, Eliott.  
-Maybe you've talked enough, Lucille."  
The answer had flared, the cold, sharp words of the young man coming to grip Lucille's throat. They used to fight, but until then, they had never taken the step of getting in front of other people. Shameful to make a spectacle of themselves, Lucille lowered her eyes.  
"I was just saying that for your own good.” She said.  
"You always say that for my own good, yeah. You think I need you? I mighed have failed my bac but I can still count, this is my second."  
  
Voiceless, Lucille looked at him for a moment before meeting Lucas' embarrassed gaze. It was too much. Not knowing what to say, finding no place to look without feeling the growing shame in her belly or the anger bubbling in her veins, the young woman got up hurriedly and left the room to take refuge, alone in the kitchen.  
  
Standing in front of the sink, leaning against the work surface, her eyes fixed on the dirty dishes, her teeth clenched, Lucille felt a tear roll on her cheek. It was not sadness but raw frustration. They couldn't talk to each other anymore. They couldn't spend a single moment of calm without some anger coming to make their talks worse. It was becoming unbearable, they had to change something but what? Lucille was lost, didn't know what to do anymore.  
  
"Are you alright?"  
A small shrill voice echoed in the young woman's back. The latter turned around and saw Chloé in the middle of the kitchen.  
"I'm okay.” Lucille simply replied, trying to hide her tears with the back of her hand, too proud to show any trace of weakness in front of the girl. "It's nothing, I swear, you can go back, I'm coming."  
  
Despite Lucille's invitation, Chloé didn't move. Without saying anything, biting her lips, she looked at the young woman with eyes filled with understanding and gentleness. If she wanted to be alone for a moment, Lucille didn't want to insist, Chloé was a friendly girl and she didn't want to be too harsh on her.  
  
"Sorry you saw all this... It was stupid.” Lucille whispered while forcing herself to hold back her tears.

"Isn't it going well? I mean... You and Eliott.” Asked Chloé genuily.

"Well, it's just..." Lucille looked up at the teenager. She had a pretty look, full of naivety and kindness. She and Lucas had the same look. What was the use of lying to her after all? "No, it's not going very well indeed..."

  


The two young women sat down at the kitchen table and stayed there for about twenty minutes. Lucille talked about Eliott, of his mood swings without directly mentioning his bipolarity but also and especially of the love she kept feeling for him. Chloé talked about Lucas. The young man seemed to be a good, deeply kind, funny and endearing person.  
After a moment, Lucille feeling ready to talk to Eliott without losing her temper again, the two young women decided to come back to the living room.  
  
As they left the kitchen, they were surprised to see the empty couch. Lucille turned her head towards the entrance and saw that the two young men's jackets weren't there anymore.

"Where are they?” Asked Chloé.

Lucille remained silent. Something was wrong, there was neceserally an explanation for their absence as well as the previous bad atmosphere... The young woman was scanning the room in a way of a detective seeking evidence of a crime. She remembered past moments then, suddenly, all her doubts vanished.

Eliott's animosity towards her and Chloé, Lucas's embarrassment, their looks, the small gestures... It was obvious now.  
  
"Fuck, I'm so stupid..." Lucille whispered as she sat on the couch before taking her head in her hands.  
"What's the matter?” Chloe asked.  
Lucille didn't answer, lost in her dark thoughts. How had she done to miss such blatant evidence? Since all these years, how was she still so naive?  
"Where are they?"  
  
Chloe's unawareness began to annoy Lucille.  
"Wait, I'll call Lucas..." The girl whispered as if she were grabbing her phone from her jeans pocket.  
"He won't answer.” Lucille said without moving from the couch.  
Chloe didn't pay attention to the last words of the young woman and took her cellphone to her ear.  
"His phone is off..."  
Lucille shrugged her shoulders.  
  
"I don't understand, they went out to get some food?” Chloé fumbled trying to catch the young woman's attention. Lucille looked up furiously at her. In one way or another, Lucille had to let out all her anger and disappointment, or her heart would explode in millions of little sharp pieces. Too bad for Chloé, she was unfortunately in the wrong place at the wrong time.  
  
"Yeah, indeed, you really understand nothing!” She snapped.  
The girl, not expecting such a harsh reaction from her eldest, was speechless.  
"They aren't looking for food, no. Don't you really have any clue of what they're doing right now?  
-Well... No... But why don't you call Eliott?  
-He won't answer either, believe me.  
-How can you be so sure?  
-Because they left to fuck!” Exclaimed Lucille, her face flushed with anger.  
  
Stunned and douptful, Chloé didn't know how to react but ended up slowly opening her mouth.  
"What? But... No... Lucas isn't gay...  
-Technically Eliott either but we won't get into this debate right now.” Lucille said coldly and haughtily. "I think you should come back home...  
-I... I don't know... I...  
-Alright! You know what? If you want to play to the nice little housewife gently waiting for her guy to come back after a good fuck, you do you Chloé, me, I'm off."  
  
Lucille quickly got up, grabbed her purse and her coat and left Eliott's apartment in a rush without taking the time to greet Chloé, leaving her alone in the place.

  


Furious and hurt, the young woman quickly came back to home where she rushed to her room. For now, the only thing she had in mind was anger at having been dumped once again as a fool she was. Tomorrow would come fear and sorrow...

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii !  
> Sorry I'm a bit late... It was a nightmare to translate !!! Plus, I'm currently at my parents' place for few days and even if I love them, they're killing my ability to write/translate ! SOrry if this chapt is full of mistakes (more than usual at least :P), I couldn't spend so much time on it...  
> Anyway... I hope you liked that chapter !  
> Once again... Don't be afraid to talk to me... ^^  
> See you soon !!


	24. Just another fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, no picture and crappy edit for this chapter... i had to publish it quickly... :D

_ **Just another fight**   
_Sunday February 17 2019, 11:18 am_ _

 

 _  
  
_Sat at the kitchen table, arms crossed, Lucille watched Eliott making them two cups of coffee. __I don't care about your fucking coffee Eliott. Wanted to tell him the girl but she didn't, preferring to grit her teeth.  
Eliott put a hot cup in front of Lucille, placed a small ashtray in the middle of the table and sat down in front of her.  
  
"I'm sorry about Friday night."  
Lucille shrugged her shoulders, her face closed.  
"And sorry for not giving you any news yesterday. I needed to think a bit."  
The girl frowned, she looked away from Eliott's clear eyes. She took a pack of cigarettes in her pocket with a slow gesture, carried one to her lips, lit it and breathed a great puff of smoke.  
"To think a bit?” She emphasized in a cold voice.  
"Yeah.  
-So what? Can I know the conclusion of this... “Think time”?” Asked Lucille.  
  
Eliott had a softer look than the one of the young woman. He seemed uncomfortable but determined to come to the end of this conversation. He breathed deeply and stared at her.  
"Friday night, with Lucas, we...  
-You leaved to fuck, yeah, I know, spare me the details." Cut off the sharp voice of the young woman.  
"Don't take it like that..." Eliott breathed desperately. He knew very well that this moment wouldn't be pleasant for anyone but he still hoped that they could talk about all this in a mature way.  
"Oh sorry!” Pretended to apologise Lucille. "But how do you want me to take it then?  
-Lucille...  
-It's been weeks that you barely pay attention to me and then Friday, you treated me like shit by leaving with a guy you hardly know. Fuck, Eliott! What do you want? That I kiss you and that I tell you "it doesn't matter"?  
-No, on the contrary, I think it does matter... "  
  
Lucille froze, her eyes still focused on Eliott. The latter clunched the jaw, took out a cigarette in his turn and took his time before speaking again. His gestures seemed calculated, he showed a surprising calm that triggered a shiver through Lucille's back. He didn't act as he used to.  
  
"Listen... Again, I'm sorry for acting like a coward but... If we'd go back in time, I'd do the exact same thing again, a thousand times. Lucas is...  
-No, don't say anything.  
-Lucas is special.  
-You know him since... What? Two weeks?  
-It's enough for me to know that...  
-Shut up already!" 

  
  


Lucille was out of her mind, unlike Eliott, who was totally composed. A self-control that had the gift of tenfold the rage of the young woman.  
  
"Ok, for now everything looks good but in the end, he could be a total jerk!  
"Don't talk about him like that..." Eliott replied, gritting his teeth.  
"So... what? What's your point? Tell me, be honest for fuck's sake!"  
  
Eliott took a long deep drag on his cigarette, took a sip of coffee, then put the mug down gently on the table.  
  
"We're not going to talk about Lucas, I think it's better.  
-Yeah, I agree with you on this point.  
-The truth is that Lucas has nothing to do with all this.  
-What?  
-Lucille... It's just about us, you know it as well as me.  
-Oh please... " Lucille whispered, crushing her cigarette in the ashtray.  
"What?  
-That's it, you got a new stupid crush on this guy and you start to doubt about everything! It's ridiculous!” Exploded the young woman, pounding on the table with her clenched fist.  
  
Eliott pulled back slightly, resting his back against the back of his chair. He closed his eyes and leaned his fingers on his eyelids, this gesture usually helping him to control his emotions.  
"One, Lucas isn't just a stupid crush. And two, stop denying reality! We don't talk anymore, we only fight or get bored of each other! We only focus on our old memories, we don't create any more! We are together by habit, because it's simple, because...  
-Stop it! This is bullshit!  
-No. It's the truth and you know it as well as I do.  
-All this because of that boy...  
-Fuck! Lucille!"  
  
For the first time in this talk, Eliott lost his temper. He couldn't bear anymore to hear Lucille blaming Lucas for their own troubles. Trying to regain his composure, Eliott took a drag on his cigarette again and remained silent. Lucille, her arms crossed and her teeth clenched, focused her eyes on the ashtray between her and Eliott. 

  
  


Finally, the young woman broke the tense silence.  
"You know what? I'm going home, we'll talk about all this when you'll get down of your pretty cloud.  
-We aren't done with this talk and I thank you, I'm perfectly down to earth.  
-I know you Eliott. You got a new hobbie and you see everything around you through this hobbie. Right now it happens to be Lucas, it could be something else.  
-Lucas isn't a fucking hobbie! And I told you already, it's not about him! It's about us, Lucille.  
-Shut up, I don't want to hear anything anymore..." Lucille growled as she got up from her chair.  
  
Eliott watched her get up and walk towards her purse.  
"Lucille... I... I haven't finished...  
-Ok, you know what? I'll make it easier for you!” The young woman, her bag and coat in her arms, stood facing Eliott. She looked at him with a hard look, charged with reproaches.  
"You want to break up with me, right?  
-Lucille...  
-Be fucking honest Eliott!  
-Yeah. Yeah, but not like this Lucille...  
-There is no good way to do this. Right, ok. Come on, let's say we're not a couple anymore. That's it, are you happy?"  
  
Lucille was screaming at the top of her lungs now, unable to control her body trembling with rage and fear. Eliott said nothing and looked down at his hands.  
  
"Finish! Thank you very much, have a good evening, that's just it, we're no longer together!” The young woman clapped her hands and headed for the front door. "But I know you Eliott. You'll come back, as always.” She said turning herself one last time to the young man.  
  
"No... No, not this time...  
-Yes! Of course yes! And I... As the poor idiot I am, I'll be there to comfort you, to hug you. See? I know the end of this story, don't tire yourself. Well now, have a good evening! Kiss your mom for me.  
-Lu..."  
  
The young woman slammed the door and get down the old staircase four by four. In the street, she walked quickly, almost running. Eliott's words came back to her mind. Was he serious? No, it was impossible... Yes, things weren't going well between them but they still could work on it together, there was no reason for everything to stop now. Lucas... Lucas... Lucas... It was nothing, a crush, a whim. Lucille felt a tear running down her cheek. Eliott would come back to her, it was certain, he couldn't be otherwise. Feeling a second tear escaping from her puffy eyes, the girl put an angry hand on her cheek, wiped herself brutally and slashed her skin with her thin silver ring. It didn't matter whether she was suffering, whether she was waiting for him for days or even weeks... The young woman was nothing without him. Nothing. So he'd come back sooner or later, there was no other alternative. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angry Lucille !! Youhooou !  
> Thanks for the kuddos, really, it means a lot to me !!   
> You can talk to me too ^^ On here or on Tumblr, really, I'd looove talking to you !  
> Amanda... As always, you're perfect ! :) I swear, without your reviews I guess I would have stop publishing that fic. Sooo... Thank yooou !!


	25. As usual

**_ As usual _ **

**_ _ **

_ Wednesday February 20 th 2019, 4:55 pm  _

 

 

_ _

Lucille came back from college, her head down, her eyes gloomy. She was missing Eliott terribly. It was only a few days ago that Eliott had... What? Broke with her? The young woman refused to admit the evidence. No, it was impossible. And yet... Yet all that seemed real this time. Usually, Eliott recalled her in tears the day after his false break-up, begging her to forgive him. This time he didn't call her, didn't try to contact her. A cold shiver ran through Lucille's spine at the idea that the young man's lips could never touch her own ever again.  
  
Getting at the front door of her building, the girl looked at the small square by automatism. Eliott was sitting on their bench, his back bent, his hands clenched in his hair. Lucille hesitated a moment. Should she take the lead, go to meet him and put her own pride in her pocket? Or did she have to ignore him and let him come back on his own? The young woman was lost. Then, looking at him with a little more insistence, she realised the distress in which Eliott seemed to be. He looked sad, terribly sad. The instinct of protection taking precedence over all her doubts, Lucille walked to him with a trembling step and sat on the bench beside the young man. The latter seemed to recognise her without having to look at her, his eyes still staring at the ground.  
  
"Are you okay?” Lucille asked in a shy little voice.  
Eliott shrugged.  
"As usual, Eliott Demaury screws everything up..." He said in a dull voice.  
"That's not true, you don't screw everything up..." the woman replied, putting an hand on his back.  
At this touch, Eliott straightened slightly and looked at her.  
"Aren't you mad at me?  
-Why should I be mad?  
-Oh, I don't know... Maybe because I cheated on you and I just broke up?  
-Hm, yeah, maybe I should be mad... "  
  
That's right, Eliott was right. Lucille had every reason in the world to be angry with him. And yet, even after all that, the dominant feeling in the girl's heart was fear. Followed by sadness. Anger? No, despite everything, Lucille wasn't mad at him.  
  
"You know, I think I'd be angry if I'd saw you happy. Right now, you look pretty unhappy and... And it drives me crazy to see you in this state. What happened?  
-I'm not sure you're the right person to talk about it..." The young man sighed.  
"I can hear everything Eliott.” Lucille reassured him, putting an encouraging hand on his thigh.  
Eliott hesitated. He was sure it wasn't healthy to talk to Lucille about it. But, on the other hand, he needed to talk to someone, and then, during all the past years, she had always been an attentive ear for him, she was often good advice and... And he trusted her. 

  
  


"It's... it's Lucas.” Eliott finally said, in a weak breath, the throat knotted.  
Finally, anger appeared in the young woman's heart. Anger which wasn't directed towards Eliott but towards Lucas, the boy who put their relationship in danger and made Eliott unhappy obviously.  
"What did he do?” Lucille asked abruptly.  
"He... Nothing but...  
-But what?  
-I think I got excited too fast."  
  
Lucille's heart seemed to leap into her chest. He admitted that the thing he felt for Lucas wasn't that serious.   
  
"You let yourself be overwhelmed by feelings that you thought were love. This isn't the first time, you...  
-No no. I'm sure of my feelings Lucille."  
His voice was clear and determined, the young man seemed more confident than ever before, still, Lucille didn't believe him. This love story between him and Lucas was only a whim, a mere product of his overflowing imagination. Yes, the two young boys had succumbed, once, to their desires for body and discovery but that was all. Nothing more. Eliott didn't admit it yet.  
  
"It's him. I... I think he's not ready.  
-Not ready to what?  
-To stay by my side.  
-What do you mean?"  
  
Eliott took a deep breath and let out a long trembling breath from his lips.  
"He... He doesn't need crazy people in his life."  
No longer able to stay still, Lucille cupped Eliott's face with her hands and stared into his eyes.  
"You're not crazy Eliott.  
-...  
-Did he tell you that?  
-Yes. Well, no, no. Not really but..." 

  
  


If Lucas had been there, Lucille could have strangled him with her own hands. What a jerk! Had Eliott told him about his bipolarity, and had Lucas rejected him because of that? What human being could be so stupid? Now Lucille was mad. How could this boy afford to hurt Eliott so much? Her Eliott.  
  
"He's the crazy one for thinking you're not good enough for him. If he doesn't need you, neither you do."  
Without further ado, Lucille took Eliott in her arms. The young man remained motionless for a few seconds then ended up passing his arms around her. Lucille put her lips in Eliott's neck, she kissed his skin, his jaw, his chin and finally his lips she missed so much. The young man didn't kiss her back then moved away delicately before looking at the young woman in the eyes.  
  
"Lucille, I... Nothing has really changed. Even if it hurts, I love Lucas."  
Not dwelling on the feeling of pain in her chest, Lucille shook her head.  
"I know.  
-You know?  
-Yes I do. But as long as you need me, I'll be there.  
-I..."  
  
Lucille didn't let him finish his sentence and took him back in her arms. 

 

 

 

 

 


	26. This is it

** This is it **

_ Tuesday March 5 2019, 11:05 am _

 

 

As time went by, Lucille had to face the facts, something had been broken between her and Eliott. Yet the young woman had done everything she could to revive their past relationship, everything. She had been patient, had listened to him, had taken care of him. They had both gone to a party organised by Chloé. If the two young people had seemed to be having fun, it was only superficial. Lucille was devastated. Helpless, she could only watch Eliott move away from her a little more each day.  
  
She would have liked to think that all was Lucas's fault. She would have loved to blame the young man for all her misfortune but unfortunately it wasn't the truth. Eliott and him weren't together. Lucille didn't know the details, but she knew something had gone wrong between the two of them. No, she had to accept it : Eliott was slowly walking away from her because he wanted to.  
  
Every night the young woman couldn't stop the tears from running down her face. What would she become without Eliott ? She had only known him, she grew up beside him. Lucille without Eliott wasn't really Lucille anymore. Her whole body seemed to be suffering from this situation. As if every step of Eliott's farthest away from Lucille, was a stab in every inch of the young woman's skin.  
  
One Tuesday morning, while Lucille was supposed to be at college but had preferred to stay home to mope in the dark, Eliott had sent her a message. The message that Lucille dreaded seeing on her phone for days.  
  
"We really need to talk. Are you at home?"  
  
At the reading of this message, Lucille had let slip a small plaintive groan from the bottom of her knotted throat. It would have been tempting, for the young woman, to ignore the message, to fly her phone in one of her room's corner and to return to hide under her comforter. But she didn't do anything. As painful as it may seem, Eliott was right, they had to talk. Lucille wasn't stupid, she knew very well where this talk would lead them but... This time, not like the last one, she had to face it. Whatever Eliott's decision might be, she would accept it.  
  
She texted him back with shaking fingers, a tear of grief crashing down on the phone's screen.  
  
"Yes. Come anytime you want."  
  
Not even bothering to wear something other than her old tracksuit, she still styled her hair in a simple pony tail and heated some water in the kettle. Once the water was hot, she filled two big mugs. In one she put down a bag of Japanese green tea, her favorite and in another, a spicy black tea bag, Eliott's favorite. Hardly had she put the two mugs on either side of the small table in the living room, she heard a small knock on the front door.  
Lucille smiled sadly. Would she ever find a boy she'd know as well as she knew Eliott? Did she only want to?

 

She opened the door and greeted Eliott without coming over to kiss him as usual, just smiling at him in a shy way.  
The young man sat on one of the comfy blue velvet armchairs and grabbed the mug between his fine hands. Lucille sat on the couch, which seemed, for the first time, way too big for herself.  
  
"Thanks for the tea."  
  
Drinking a sip of hot tea, the young woman didn't answer. She liked this feeling, the too hot liquid in her mouth, burning her tongue slightly.  
  
"This situation makes us both unhappy.” Said the young man without any preamble.  
Lucille squeezed her mug in her hands and looked up at him.  
"That's right..." She simply replied.  
  
A heavy silence fell on them. Lucille would have liked to disappear, to fall asleep for ten long years and to wake up thinking about this talk which would be nothing but a bad memory. Or else, better, she would have wished to fall asleep to wake up a few moments later, realising that this moment was a mere nightmare. Her worst nightmare, seeing Eliott leaving her. But she wasn't crazy, it was real, even if the young man struggled to find his words, his intention remained clear. He was leaving Lucille for the second time in a few days. Except that now, the young woman would let him talk. Anyway, deep inside herself, Lucille had always known this. If their love story had to end one day, it was inevitably Eliott who would go away, not her. Never her.  
  
"I'm sorry.” Eliott faltered.  
Lucille wiped a small tear on her cheek and looked up again at the young man.  
"Sorry for what ?  
-For... You know what I told you last Sunday, I really meant it and I still mean it. But... It didn't work well with Lucas and... And I felt sad and you were there. I... I let you hope that something was possible, but I should have been clearer, stand my ground, it was...  
-Eliott.” Interrupted the young woman. "It's... Well, I'm sorry too. I didn't take you seriously and... And last week when I saw you so sad on the bench I thought maybe it was because you regretted this breakup. I took advantage of... Of your sadness to reassure me. It was stupid."  
  
Silence fell again, leaving each of them immersed in their own thoughts. Eliott was biting his lips nervously and Lucille could no longer restrain a single one of her tears.  
  
"So this is it. This is the end.” Eliott's voice was low, almost a whisper.  
"Looks like it, yes."  
  
Lucille heard a voice in her mind. A small voice borned in her heart and blooming in the hollow of her ear: " _Fight! What are you waiting for?! Are you dumb or what?! You'll lose him! You have to fight for him for fuck's sake! He's leaving you, do something, you're nothing without him, nothing! Nothing at all!_ ” But all that was useless, Lucille knew it well, she no longer had the strength to fight. She was nothing without Eliott? Alright, then she would become nothing. Just a little speck of dust, remains of a broken heart that had once been full of joy alongside Eliott.

 

"I... I just have a question and... and then I'll let you go.” Lucille said in a sob. "Do... Do you regret those five years?"  
Eliott took a deep breath, leaned over, brought the mug to his lips and sat down again. He seemed to hesitate. Or did he weigh each of his words before answering? Lucille hung on his lips like a shipwrecked to his lifebelt.  
  
"Not at all. We had some great moments together... and... I wouldn't be the same today if you hadn't been there. It's just... We fell in love when we were still kids. We have grown up, things have changed."  
Lucille wiped her cheeks soaked in tears again.  
"You're wrong."  
Eliott looked up at her. Lucille clarified her thought.  
"Well... Maybe, no doubt, your feelings have faded over time, but..." A new sob. "But my owns only got stronger. It would have been easier for me if we'd never met. "  
  
Eliott lowered his head. Above all, not wanting the young man to misunderstand her intentions, Lucille forced herself to speak again, this time raising a little more her broken voice.  
"I don't say that to make you feel guilty. It's just that... I've always been honest with you, I've always told you everything... And I don't see why I'd shut up now. I still love you, it's not a secret."  
In front of Lucille's self-assurance, Eliott frowned.  
"Don't worry Eliott, I understood this time. We're no longer a couple.” The young woman added to reassure him while tearing her own heart apart by pronouncing these mere but terrible words.  
  
For a few seconds, perhaps a minute, nothing was heard in the livingroom except the street's noises, Lucille's discreet sobs, and the spoon in Eliott's mug, which the young man stirred nervously. Then, the latter stood up.  
  
"Well... I think I'll leave now.  
-Okay."  
Lucille stood up too. He walked to the front door, she followed him. Then, when he put his hand on the handle, the young woman couldn't help but ask him one last favor.  
"W... wait."  
He turned around.  
"Can... Can you kiss me? One last time. Just one last time."  
  
Lucille hated herself. She hated to be so vulnerable, so pathetic. But it was stronger than her. She would have climbed mountains, sold father and mother, killed if necessary, to even feel one last time Eliott's lips against her skin.  
Hesitant for a moment, the young man walked to her slowly, leaned over and kissed her wet cheek. By automatism or by need, she didn't really know anymore, the young woman raised her hands and carried them to Eliott's hips. The latter, as if electrocuted by this touch, straightened up, gently gripped her wrists and pushed them towards her.  
  
"No, Lucille...  
-Yes, yes, I know, sorry.” She apologized, sniffling loudly.  
Eliott, too, had slightly wet eyes. This sight reassured the young woman for a split second. So, it wasn't that easy to break up with her... She lowered her eyes.  
"You... you really deserve to find someone who'll really love you and who'll be able to make you happy."  
Lucille remained silent, her eyes staring at Eliott's feet.

 

"See you."  
The young man turned away and walked to the door. Lucille wanted to answer him but the words remained stuck in her dry throat. As soon as the door closed on Eliott, the young woman collapsed to the ground, banging her knees on the old crackling floor of her mother's apartment. She took her head in her hands and let sorrow invade her whole body. That was it, it was finished. She was nothing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God !!  
> I'm soooo sorry ! This story is sooooo sad ! ^^  
> I mean... I love angst but i didn't want this to become that angsty !   
> But well... I think that all this suffering is worth it after all.  
> The end is comming guys...


	27. Sinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise !! As I finished writing all the fic, I'll post one chapter everyday... :)

**Sinking**

_Friday March 16 2019, 11:50 pm_

 

 

Eliott wasn't feeling well. Lucille knew it, she felt it. Despite the breakup, she had met him twice in the street and at his parents' home where she had come back to get few of her things. From what she understood through his Instagram account, Eliott and Lucas were back together. If it tore Lucille's heart, that wasn't her main concern at the moment. She admitted, Lucas seemed to make Eliott happy. Too happy. The young woman knew it, Eliott was at the beginning of a manic episode. He was no longer sleeping, was going into heated rhetoric speeches, and was planning future plans way too ambitious to be realistic.  
  
Lucille felt totally helpless. She had talked to Eliott's mother about it. The latter had told her that it was difficult for everyone to help Eliott if he didn't really want to, but that besides, now that she was no longer his girlfriend, she had to focus on herself, take time for her. Unfortunately, all this was above Lucille's strength. She had called Eliott. The latter cut off the talk, retorting that his health shouldn't be her concern anymore. Lucille had hung up, a bitter taste in her mouth.  
  
On Saturday, Lucille had remained all day locked in her room to mope in her bed. Neither her mother nor Charlotte had managed to convince her to go out. Go out for what? To see who? It didn't interest her. A bit sore of too much cries, the young woman lost herself on Instagram. She found Lucas' account. Curious and looking for every little things that could hurt her even more, she scrolled through his pictures until she found a story he had just posted a few minutes before. The boy was sitting on a couch, Eliott's head resting on his shoulder. His lips moved on a song she didn't know but she recognised the lyrics "Call your girlfriend". The young man's eyes were ironic and he looked more than provocative. Lucille clenched her jaw before throwing her phone to the other end of the room on a stack of clothes. The young woman let out a cry of anger from the depths of her heart.  
  
In the living room, her mother knocked on her bedroom's door.  
"Are you okay honey?  
-Yes, I'm fine! Stop asking me that damn question!” Lucille replied, burying her face in one of her pillows.  
  
Seeing the young boy showing off his happiness made her want to strangle him with her own hands. Ok, he had won, it was on his shoulder that Elliot was resting his head now. But was it necessary to be so full of himself?  
Lucille remained motionless for a moment in her bed, holding her breath into the pillow. It was only when her head began to turn that her main concern came to chase her murder dreams. She was still worried about Eliott. The latter stubbornly refused to talk to her, but maybe Lucas could talk to him? She had to talk to him about it. Not out of sympathy for him but out of love for Eliott.  
  
Lucille stood up and grabbed her phone. A few days ago she had taken Lucas' phone number from Eliott's phone. Ok, this wasn't the most respectful thing she's been doing lately, but at the moment, privacy respect was the last concern of the young woman. She had to warn Lucas, she had to protect Eliott. She dialed the boy's number, but he didn't answer.

 

The next few days, Lucille tried to reach Lucas several times without him recalling her back. The young woman was loosing her temper. What did he believe? That she only called him to insult him or to persuade him to "give back" Eliott to her? No, she just wanted to warn him that Eliott wasn't doing well, was it too much to ask?  
On Wednesday, he finally picked up his phone. Unfortunately, Eliott, who was at his side, cut the talk short.  
  
"I asked you not to call him, Lucille.  
-Please Eliott, list...  
-Can you leave us alone now?  
-Eliott, wait!"  
  
He hung up. Lucille felt more helpless than ever.  
  
  
Then Friday arrived. Smoking a cigarette on her bed, Lucille tried without much success to watch some lame sitcom on Netflix, when she heard her phone ringing. The young woman sighted deeply. No doubt it was Charlotte again, calling to harass her to go out with her. With a weary gesture, Lucille reached out and grabbed her phone. Seeing not Charlotte's name but Lucas' appearing on the screen, her eyes widened. She stood up abruptly and answered quickly.  
  
"Hello?  
-Hello... L... Lucille, please, c... come right now.” The boy seemed breathless, his voice was totally panicked. Lucille took a deep breath so that she wouldn't panic either.  
"What? But... Where are you?  
-I... I don't know! We're... I'll send you the address."  
  
Judging that it was useless to ask more details on the phone as the young man seemed anguished and confused in what he could say, Lucille hung up. Jumping into the first clothes she found, the young woman rushed out of the apartment. On the stairs, her phone vibrated against her thigh, Lucas had just sent the address. Glancing at the message, Lucille's heart sank, the young man was on a houseboat. A fucking houseboat?! What could have happened?  
  
Getting on the platform, Lucille rushed to the boat indicated by the address. Lucas was seated on a little iron staircase, looking completely lost, scared and stressed as Hell. When he saw her, he rushed towards her.  
  
"Fuck, I've searched everywhere, I don't know where he is !"  
Lucille made a superhuman effort to stay just a bit more relaxed. The whole world could collapse around Eliott but not her, she had to stay up.  
"What happened?  
-I don't know! We were in the houseboat, we were good and he told me he was going to swim..." Eliott had told him he was going to swim and Lucas didn't react immediately? How had he done to be so unconscious? "... And so, he stood up and by the time I came to... I didn't hear anything so I don't think he jumped, he... He was naked... Fuck..."  
The young man was about to cry, on the verge of anxiety attack. Lucille clenched her teeth, enraged for being the only one, again, to have a minimum of wisdom.  
"Oh fuck. Ok, ok, ok!” She interjected to cut Lucas off in his panicked speech. "We just have to hope the cops will find him."

 

It wasn't the first time Elliot had fallen into such deep crises. Each time, the police men had found him relatively quickly before Eliott really put himself in danger. Lucille crossed her fingers to make this night go the same way.  
  
A short silence settled. Lucas looked in Lucille's eyes for answers he didn't seem to find on his own. This ignorant look turned the young woman crazy. Was he so stupid to understand nothing about the situation in which he and Eliott had gotten stuffed? Shaking, Lucille was struggling not to yell on him, not to tell him what she really felt.  
  
"I don't even understand what happened... I do not know..."  
It was too much ! He wanted answers? She was going to give him some!  
"He's bipolar, Lucas! You understand that?!"  
Her words had the effect of a big slap in the young man's face. Too bad for him, Lucille thought, someone had to let him see his own stupidity. Being on edge, the young woman couldn't care about her ex-boyfriend she was still madly in love AND his new boyfriend completely overwhelmed by the situation.

  
"This houseboat, there, he entered by breaking-in.  
-He told me he rented it..." He said in a tiny voice.  
Was he so naive? Lucille let out a small ironic sigh full of weariness.  
"Come on... How do you think he would have paid for it?  
-I don't know.  
-You don't know, right...”  
Maybe if he had answered her many calls last week, he wouldn't be so surprised. Lucille felt her hate overflow from all the pores of her skin.  
"Did you smoke?"  
Lucas didn't answer, just staring at her with hatred and guilt in his blue eyes.  
"Did you smoke?” The young woman asked again.  
"A... a tiny bit...  
-Fuck, that's not good for him. He can't smoke. He's sick, Lucas, sick! You get it?"  
Maybe she was going a bit hard? Lucille didn't care. Lucas had to understand the gravity of the situation, whether he liked it or not. And again... If he had answered her previous calls, Eliott wouldn't be in danger tonight. Fuck, Eliott... Her phone rang in the pocket of her leather jacket. Lucille answered immediately.  
  
"Hello?  
-Good evening Miss, municipal police of Paris 15th. We call you because you are the emergency number of Mr. Eliott Demaury, he is currently with us at the station."  
Lucille felt her heart lighten up. Eliott was safe.  
"Oh thank you.  
-This young man is in a state of extreme distress, you must come and get him right away.  
-Yes Yes Yes. Yes, I'm coming, yes. I'll warn his parents and I'll come.  
-Police station Paris 15th, rue Vaugirard.  
-Thank you, yes."  
Lucille hung up, relieved.  
  
"Did they find him?” Lucas asked.  
"Yeah, they did.  
-Are you sure we should call his parents?"

 

Lucille had thought that once reassured about Eliott, she would be able to calm down. But she was heavily mistaken. In fact, the opposite happened. Now that Eliott was safe, the anger she felt towards Lucas and his unconscious and childish behavior took over in her heart and mind. The young woman was overflowing with rage and had no reason to hide it anymore. It was her turn to express her feelings...  
  
"Obviously I'm calling his parents!” How could it be otherwise? Lucas was way too stupid ... "They found him naked in the street, he broke into a houseboat and he smoked weed!  
-I am coming with you."  
But who did he think he was?! After all he had done, after being so irresponsible, he really thought he had a place near Eliott?!  
"No ! Oh no, no, no, no. You're not coming with me, no. You leave him alone now."  
  
Lucille wasn't stupid. Eliott had broken up with her, he didn't want her anymore, she knew it. But that didn't mean that she no longer had the right and the duty to keep caring about him. And that didn't mean either that Lucas was the perfect boy for him. He couldn't hold a candle to Eliott, the latter deserved much better than him!  
  
"You think he loves you?” Lucille was going to hurt him? Never mind. The words of the young woman were no longer dictated by any reason, only her broken heart was speaking now. "But that's not true. He can't love you.” Everything was worth for Lucas to leave Eliott alone. He needed someone strong, lucid, not a scared little boy like him. "It's just something he's got into his head, ok?” The more she spoke, the more rage invaded her. She couldn't control anything anymore. "You're nothing for him. You're just a fucking whim."

 

No longer able to look at Lucas, the young woman turned around. Walking through the streets of Paris, she ran to Eliott.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEWARE: Even when the entourage is aware of the bipolarity of a person, it's very complicated, if not impossible to stop a depressive or manic episode. Lucille's idea that she or Lucas would do it is just her point of view, not mine... ;) 
> 
> Poor baby Lucas... This was a very hard chapt to write because Lucille's pov, she doesn't see him as the really cool and nice boyfriend we know he can be !


	28. Hurtful words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorryyyy !!   
> i know, I know... I said I'd post this chapt yesterday but I had such a shitty day and... Anyway, we don't mind !   
> ENJOY !!

** Hurtful words **

_Tuesday March 18 2019, 6:36 pm_

 

Eliott hadn't left his bed for three days. His manic crisis had given way to a deep depressive episode. Lucille went to his side every morning before going to college and every evening on her way home from. The young woman didn't lie to herself; This situation wouldn't change their relationship. She was no longer his girlfriend, but she was still a part of his life. In any case, Eliott still occupied a large part of Lucille's life. Not being his girlfriend anymore didn't mean that she had to ignore every things which could happen to him.   
  
This Monday, when she knocked on the door of the Demaury, it was Eliott's mother who came to open it.  
"Hi, how are you?” Asked the 50-year-old before taking her warmly in her arms.  
"I'm fine and you?” Lucille replied, putting her bag on one of the wooden chairs in the living room, as she used to do for years.  
"I'm good.” Mme Demaury went to fetch a glass of water and handed it to Lucille. "Eliott is waiting for you. "  
  
Lucille accepted the glass of water, raising her eyebrows on Eliott's mother. He was waiting for her? During depressive episodes, the young man didn't have the habit of waiting for anyone, on the contrary, he was more than indifferent towards any presence by his side.  
"He's waiting for me?  
-Yes, he wants to talk to you."  
  
Mme Demaury seemed worried. Lucille swallowed a sip of fresh water.  
"Listen Lucille.” Eliott's mother said putting a hand on the young woman's shoulder. "Whatever you did or said, I'm sure it wasn't motivated by bad intentions."  
Lucille looked down. The “talk” she had with Lucas on the houseboat Friday night. For sure, Eliott wanted to talk to her about it, Lucille felt it, it was logical, she wasn't stupid. She had never ceased, for three days, to remember her words and cries. She had gone too far, she knew it well.  
  
Sighing slowly, Lucille put the glass of water on the table and headed for Eliott's room. She knocked on the door and was surprised to hear Eliott's hoarse voice telling her to come in. Usually he didn't answer, didn't even hear that someone was knocking on his door. Lucille came in shyly. The young man was standing, facing the window and seemed to be watching passers-by walking in the rain of Paris. Lucille bit her lips. Never, in the last five years, had he taken the trouble and the superhuman effort to force himself out of bed in the depths of his depressive crises. There he was standing, his face serious, ready to talk to her about Lucas. So there was only Lucas to get him out of bed...  
  
"Hi..." Lucille said weakly.  
Eliott didn't answer.  
"You look like you feel better..." The young woman made herself more stupid than she was on purpose. Of course he wasn't feeling better, on the contrary, she knew it. But what could she say? What could she do?  
"No, I don't feel better.” Eliott's voice was deep, clouded with sleep, sadness, but also with anger. No, more than anger, hatred.  
Lucille clenched her fists in the pockets of her jeans. 

 

"What did you say to Lucas Friday night?” Eliott asked, without preamble, turning to the young woman, staring into her eyes. His face was tense, he was clenching his jaw and seemed to be struggling to restrain all the anger he felt towards her.  
  
"I... I told him you were bipolar.  
-It was up to me to tell him.  
-He was worried and I...  
-Stop it right now.” Eliott's voice was cold and dry, his tone was unrestrained. "Do not pretend to worry about what Lucas could feel."  
  
He was right, Lucille was hiding behind Lucas's anxiety to feel less guilty for telling him all this bullshits.  
  
"Right, sorry, it was up to you to tell him.” Lucille looked down at her old Converse.  
"But that, you know, I could have understood... I was the one who fucked up first, I should have explained everything to him before blowing a fuse, as usual.” Eliott continued, his voice quieter but ten times more threatening, almost scary. "What's killing me, Lucille, is what you told him afterwards."  
The young woman seemed to run out of air for a few seconds. Cowardly, she had hoped to pass that in silence. Did Lucas tell him everything? The girl kept silence.  
  
"What did you tell him exactly?  
-Nothing important..." Lucille whispered in a pitiful voice.  
She looked up at Eliott. The latter looked at her with an air of disgust and judgment. This look made the young woman feel nauseous. She would never have thought that one day, Eliott could look at her this way. The man she loved, whom she still loved, felt nothing but hatred towards her. She owed him a minimum of sincerity. And after all, she had nothing to lose anymore...  
  
"He... He wanted to come with me to the police station, I refused.” The young woman paused, she hoped that Eliott would react to this first piece of information but he didn't do anything about it. Obviously, he seemed to want to let her spit everything at once. "Then he... Finally I hinted that as you were in a manic episode, what you felt for him was maybe a little... Blur."  
  
Eliott smirked without joy. His eyes were still so sad.  
"I know you Lucille, you didn't say it like that.  
-What does it change anyway?  
-Tell me exactly what you told him."  
  
Eliott didn't give her any choice and at the same time, Lucille knew it, she had it coming. It was her who had put herself alone in this situation, she had to assume the consequences. She had made Lucas suffer, she was hurting Eliott, was hurting herself. Definitely, Lucille was good for no one.

 

"I told him that you didn't love him, that you couldn't love him, that for you he was only a whim, that he... That he was nothing for you.” As if her words had the power to physically hurt the young man, Lucille felt a taste of blood on the tip of her tongue.  
  
Eliott closed his eyes and ran a hand through his messy hair.  
"Fuck... how could you say such things?  
-I... I'm sorry, I didn't think this...  
-Get out."  
  
Lucille flinched. That's what she dreaded the most in the world. This cold and indifferent voice, this rejection without any recourse.  
  
"Eliott, once again I'm sor...  
"Get the fuck out Lucille, I don't want to see you anymore. Do not come back, do not worry about me, it's over, everything is over."  
An icy hand came to enclose the young woman's heart. She stood still for a moment, watching Eliott reach his bed. She would have liked him to scream, almost to hit her.  
  
"Sorry..." She whispered.  
"Go."  
  
Lucille turned around and left the room, her head down. The young man had left her the opportunity to stay by his side as a friend, as a confidante but she ruined everything. All because of an unfair hatred for a boy who hadn't asked anything. Bravo Lucille, another great stroke of genius.  
  
In the living room, Eliott's mother took her in her arms, asking nothing.   
  
"Sweetheart... Now you have to take care of yourself.” She said, Stroking Lucille's cheek with her soft fingers.  
"I'm gonna try.” Lucille replied in a voice choked with grief and remorse.  
"Take time for yourself, just for you, only you. And... And if you don't feel well, you can always call me."  
  
Lucille sincerely thanked Mme Demaury and left the apartment.  
  
A few days later, Lucille was on her bed, writing an kind of essay for college. Wishing to escape the space of a few minutes to her sorrow, university work appeared to her as the only escape. Despite everything, her cell phone rang, the young woman answered to Mme. Demaury.  
  
"Lucille?  
-Yes Nathalie?  
-Oh God I'm sorry to ask you this, I know it's at the worst moment but... Do you have any news of Eliott?  
-Not at all.  
-Oh okay. He... he's gone, we're worried."  
  
The two women talked for a bit then Lucille hanging up. Then, well, she did what seemed to her to be the most natural thing, the most logical thing in the world. She looked for Lucas' number in her contacts and sent him a text. _  
  
 _"Eliott disappeared. No one knows where he is, he doesn't answer... We're starting to freak out. Is he with you?"__

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the new kudos ! Really, thank you so much.   
> One last chapter !!! I'm feeling sooo emo right now...


	29. Lucas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh My... I'm emo...

 

**Lucas**   
_Saturday March 23 2019, 9:50 am_

 

Lucille walked slowly through the streets of Paris. It was unusual for the young woman to go out so early on weekends. Lucille wasn't a morning person, yet that day she understood why some people enjoyed walking around town before noon. The air was smooth. It wasn't cold, barely cool. The morning atmosphere was quiet and full of promise. Like a wave of freshness coming to wash away the excesses and mistakes of the night. The partygoers had been home for a long time and had left room for tourists and families to come to the market. For days or even weeks Lucille hadn't been able to enjoy a simple walk in her neighborhood. It was done.  
  
Getting at the café where Lucas and she had deal to meet, she saw the young man already seated on the terrace. Lucille took a deep breath before walking to him slowly. She was stressed. She was afraid of not being able to keep control of her feelings, to fall back into an unfair and unnecessary hatred or worse, to fall in tears in front of the young man she would have preferred never to meet. But this meeting was important, for her, for him and especially for Eliott.  
  
"Hi.  
-Hi."  
A moment of flutter. Were they supposed to kiss each other? No, the last words they had exchanged had broken Lucas's heart, the kiss would be unwelcome. Shake hands? No, way too formal. As a greeting, Lucas gave her a slight shy smile that Lucille gave back to him.  
  
"What are you drinking?” Lucille asked as she sat down on the empty chair opposite the young man.  
"A _café allongé_.” He simply replied.  
"A macchiato, please.” Lucille ordered to one of the waiters.  
  
"How is he doing?” Lucille asked, still concerned about Eliott's well-being.  
"He's fine.” The young man took a moment, he seemed hesitant. "Well I don't know, he's been sleeping since I brought him back in fact.  
-That's normal.” Lucille remembered all the days spent at Eliott's bedside, the young man sleeping in his bed for days. This terrible feeling of helplessness. Lucas must have felt the same now, she could easily understand him.  
"So I don't know if it's better that's he stays at my place or... I ...I don't have his parent's number."  
  
Lucille would have liked to tell him that at the very moment, where Eliott felt the best, was at his side, it was useless for him to go home. But she didn't have the strength to say so.  
  
"It's okay, I told them he was with you.  
-What did they say?  
-About what ? The fact that he's staying at your place or that you're a guy?"  
Without her really wanting it, her voice had taken on an aggressive tone. Shit... It wasn't what she wanted, not at all. She couldn't help herself. To see Lucas worry about anything and everything she had been able to do in the last five years was beyond her grasp. Far from being offended, Lucas looked at her with his deep blue eyes. She blamed herself for being so agressive towards him. To regain composure, Lucille looked away and took a long breath.

 

"Don't worry Lucas, you're not the first, you know."  
Lucille, herself, didn't expect to tell him such bitter comment. Again, that's not what she was looking for. Decidedly, she showed herself unable to keep her temper. Lucille hated herself.  
Lucas looked down, visibly touched by this last remark.  
  
"I'm sorry for all this."  
It was Lucille who was aggressive and he was the one who apologised? For sure, the young woman had badly judged him. And at the same time, it wasn't surprising... Eliott loved Lucas, the latter shouldn't be fundamentally bad. Who was she to doupt about Eliott's love tastes? If she hadn't been so sad, Lucille would have smiled.  
"You're not the first Lucas, but..." Lucille said. She could not decently leave the young man in uncertainty. Once again, and as Eliott had told her, nothing, absolutely nothing, was his fault. She had to be honest with him, as painful as it sounded. "You're not like the others. He doesn't speak of you like the others, anyway.” Lucille looked back into Lucas's eyes. No wonder Eliot had fallen in love with this boy. He had the most beautiful eyes the young woman had ever seen. Just after Eliott's...  
  
Lucille sighed again. She felt tears come to her eyes. She struggled in vain to keep control of herself, she didn't want to be weak in front of Lucas.  
"That's me who is sorry.” She said in a voice a less assured than before. "You're not a whim. Of course he can love, trust me, I know."  
Eliott had loved her too, one day, a long time ago. Sadness and nostalgia came to grip Lucille's throat. She couldn't hold back her tears long.  
  
Lucas, against all odds, didn't seem to judge her or feel any hatred toward her. On the contrary, everything in him emanated sympathy and kindness. He lowered his eyes.  
"You must hate me."  
The young woman's eyes filled with tears. Yes she hated him at one point. A short moment. But that was no longer the case, no more. Unable to utter a single word, she paused for a moment, took a deep breath, and wiped a tear with the sleeve of her sweater.  
"I envy you, I think. Even at the begining, when everything was good between us, he wasn't like this. I mean uh... not the way he is you.” She had to be honest with Lucas but also with herself. Eliott was sure of himself, sure of his love for Lucas, sure of the feelings he felt for him. Something he had never felt in his relationship with Lucille. He had loved her, yes, but had always doubted, it was a fact.  
Enough talk about Eliott and her, one more word and she could totally fall in tears, there, in front of Lucas and that wasn't the goal of their meeting, far from it.  
"But... But that also means you have responsibilities now. He's going to need you.” She said in a confident voice, putting her grief aside.  
  
Lucas's gaze changed too. He was no longer sorry for her but seemed determined to support Eliott as best as he could. Lucille felt reassured. Eliott wasn't alone.  
"What should I do?” Asked the young man. His face features were serious.

 

"There's no magical formula."  
It would have been too simple.  
"First, be patient. Because you won't be able to understand everything or succeed everything on the first try."  
Lucille thought back about all the mistakes she had made in the past. Lucas would do some too.  
"And it will not matter."  
Above all, make him feel better. To avoid the young man being invaded by the same guilt that had plagued Lucille during all these years. If she couldn't get away from it, she now wanted him to be able to do it.  
"Be understanding, look it up. Read."  
A little, the minimum to know, not to fall from too high when the things he read in the books will occur in real life. Sometimes ten times worse.  
"Ask questions too. When he'll agree to answer them."  
 _When he'll agree to answer them_... That was important.  
"Above all, try not to rush him."  
Easier said than done. Lucille hadn't be able to do so, maybe Lucas would be?  
"If he wants to sleep, let him sleep. If he doesn't want to talk, don't make him talk."  
Evidences always good to remember.  
"There will be times when you can just look at him. And you will feel powerless."  
This feeling of devastating helplessness... Lucille had to warn Lucas. It was the worst of feelings.   
"But that's the way it is."  
The sooner he would accept it, the better it would be.  
"Look out for the signs too. When he's not well or when he's too well."  
Lucille had become an expert on the subject, may Lucas could become one too...  
"You won't be able to do much but at least you can anticipate."  
The least harm to prevent Eliott to suffer too much.  
"In fact... Just be there for him. But only when he wants or needs it."  
This advice, Lucille had just understood this, few weeks ago. It was too late for her but not for Lucas.  
"And when he doesn't want or need it, wait for him. Because he will always come back to you."  
 _Almost_ always. Lucille clenched her fist under the table.  
"And the most important, Lucas... Enjoy cool moments. There will be some. A lot, even. And these moments will make up for all the others. You'll see."  
The young woman wiped a small tear at the edge of her eyelashes.

 

Lucille walked the streets of Paris, enjoying the fresh air of the first spring mornings. Before leaving, she left a letter to Lucas for Eliott. He would read it or not, it was no longer her problem.  
She thought she would feel devasted after Lucas' meeting but against all odds, the girl felt a little better. Still sad, she nevertheless felt a weight disappear from her shoulders. She felt a little lighter. She had given over to Lucas, had told him everything she'd wanted to tell him. Now she had to move on.  
  
Passing over the little square below her house, she met one of the waiters at the bistro where she and her friends had their habits. He greeted her.  
"Hello Lucille! It's been a while that we didn't see you, it's nice!"  
  
The young woman smiled. Perhaps she would, one day, be able to live her life without Eliott? In any case, now, that's what she hoped for.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it !! This is the end !!  
> Oh my God, it feels sooo weird !!   
> I'll write other things about elu but Lucille... Well I'm leaving her and I feel a bit down ! (That girl had been leaved a lot lately ^^)  
> I hope you enjoyed this super angsty fic of mine ! 
> 
> Thank you so so so much to all the people who left kudos. Even if sometimes I felt the need of more reviews, these kudos made many of my days !   
> Special thanks to the Wonderful Amanda who stayed on here for more than two months, I love you !   
> And another thank you to the Great Tumbles who gave me the strengh to finish the last chapters ! 
> 
> Once again, THANK YOU and see you soon !!


	30. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE !!!
> 
> Yeah yeah I know it's late...  
> I was supposed to post this epilogue the very day after the day I posted the last chapter... But you know how things are going right ?  
> Anyway...  
> That's a very very tiny epilogue. I couldn't left Lucille on a few tears...
> 
> Fun fact : This little thing is the first thing I wrote ! Yep... The first words of Growing Up had been the Epilogue's ones... ^^
> 
> Enjoy !

 

**Epilogue**

 

_Eliott,_

 

_It will soon be three hours since I try to write this letter, I end up throwing that damn paper every time. I hope this time will be the right one._

_I would like to thank you. Thank you to have stayed with me during all these years. When we met, I was a unconfident little girl who was a bit lost. Thanks to you, I was able to grow up. You supported me, you have been there, for me, during the worst and better times. I thank you, really, from the bottom of my heart._

_I know that lately I haven't done what I would have had to do to make things better between us. I messed up a lot of things and I apologise. You didn't deserve all that. I said things that I regret. I meant them at the moment, on the stroke of pain and anger but I would have done better to keep quiet, I have only aggravate the situation. Once again, I'm sorry._

_I know it. Lucas is not just a whim and he seems to love you as much as you love him. These words are not easy to write, but this time, I mean them, sincerely. I wish you to be happy with him. I hope that he will know the Eliott that I knew at times too. The happy, full of joy and surprises Eliott._

_You're a strong man Eliott, never doubt about it. I know now that you don't need anyone to find your happiness. I thought for a long time that you needed me. I was wrong. In the end, the most dependent of us, it was me, not you. You do not need anyone, that's right, but if Lucas can help you find that happiness, that's all the best I wish for you._

_I wanted to write you this letter to put an end to our story. I needed it. It may still be selfish but allow me to be so one last time. I know you don't want to see me after what I've said to Lucas. But I hope you'll read this letter someday. I love you Eliott. I'm sorry for you but you're not a boy people can forget easily. To see you far from me... It hurts, as you probably can't imagine. I suffer but it's not your fault, not mine either, it's life, that's all._

_I'll stop there, I'd have a lot more to say to you but it wouldn't be reasonable, neither for you nor for me._

 

_Once again, I wish you to be very happy with Lucas, he seems to be a great guy, sorry to have doubted about it._

 

_Take care._

_Lucille._

 

_PS: I'm going to make a cardboard with all your things that you can come get at my mother's. I allow myself to keep some drawings, you are and you'll remain my favorite artist._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh and thank you everyone ! Your kudos and comments were very very very loved !

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for all the people who encouraged me to write this fic, it means a lot guys !  
> You can find me on Tumblr @ https://tangyyyy.tumblr.com. Please, don't be shy and come to talk to me if you want to. I swear I don't bite. Not in a bad way at least... ;)


End file.
